My protector a father
by Tinne
Summary: Harry finds something out, can he live with it? A Severitus Challenge!
1. Leaving for Hogwarts

First a few notes:  
  
This is the first story I have ever written and I live in Belgium, making English my second language. If you find mistakes in my story, then tell me and I'll correct them, but I'm asking you to bear with me.  
  
Second, I'm still going to school so it might take a while to update my story.  
  
Third, I hope that you'll review and tell me what you think of my story!  
  
Have fun!!!  
  
  
  
Leaving for Hogwarts.  
  
He was the Boy-Who-Lived, the one who survived Voldemort. And still he had to do chores! Harry grumbled by himself.  
  
"It's no fair! Why do I always have to do the chores!?"  
  
He sighed. He knew he had to do so, otherwise he wouldn't get anything to eat. It has always been like that. He never got beaten, but he also never got to be loved. But that didn't matter anymore. He was just happy to now that summer was coming to an end so he could go back to Hogwarts. Hogwarts, the school that teaches magic! He had made friends there, and very good ones too, like Ron and Hermione, and don't forget Hagrid! Hagrid, the friendly half-giant who had taken him to Hogwarts. He had also made some enemies. Draco and his pawns didn't like him to much. But he didn't let him be bothered by that. He was very glad to go to Hogwarts again. After all, there he would see Ron and Hermione again! He had already gone to Diagon Ally to get his school stuff because the Dursleys hadn't wanted him to go with his friends, the 'freaks'. So they too him to London and told him to be back in 2 hours. Harry yawned. He was really tired.  
  
  
  
"Harry! Wake up you lazy boy! You cook breakfast and then we'll get you to the train station! I'm glad to get rid of you again! WAKE UP!"  
  
Harry slowly woke up and smiled. He would go to Hogwarts again! The sheer joy! He got dressed, ran downstairs and made breakfast for his aunt, uncle and cousin. Soon they were on the way to platform 9 ¾ .  
  
"Hey Harry! There you are! How was your vacation? Not too bad I hope!"  
  
Ron launched himself happily at Harry.  
  
"Nah, it was okay," replied Harry.  
  
They found Hermione and they chatted all the way to Hogwarts, being glad that the golden trio was once again together.  
  
  
  
Dumbledore sat in his office, thinking about the growing danger. He had to protect Harry, one way or the other. He made professor Snape come to his office.  
  
"You called me, Albus"  
  
"Indeed, Severus. I have to ask you a favour."  
  
"And this favour is..?"  
  
Severus Snape looked at Albus Dumbledore. He did not like this feeling of dread he had.  
  
"Severus, I want you to keep an extra eye on Harry. You know as well as I do that he has the tendency to get into trouble."  
  
"Oh no Albus. You got to be kidding! I don't even like the little brat!"  
  
"Al the better! He wouldn't believe that you would keep an eye on him! At least not to help him."  
  
Severus sighed. He could not in good conscience decline. "Very well."  
  
Dumbledore looked at Snape with that little glint in his eyes. "Thank you Severus"  
  
Snape sneered. He just knew that Albus was up to something!  
  
  
  
Please review! I know it isn't much yet, forgive me!! 


	2. Secret thoughts

Here's the next chapter! And again, tell if I made some terrible mistakes!  
  
Disclaimer: Non of the characters are mine  
  
*. . .* denotes thoughts  
  
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Secret thoughts  
  
Harry was looking at around the great hall while the sorting hat was sorting the first years into their houses. Harry was glad to see professor Dumbledore stand up.  
  
"A few start of term notices. The forbidden forest is, as most of you well know, still forbidden. I also regret to inform you that nobody will be allowed to go to Hogsmeade this year. "  
  
The students were in an uproar. Not to Hogsmeade?! They could not believe it.  
  
"The reason for this is the Dark Lord. Yes, I mean to say that..Voldemort is back."  
  
Albus looked very grave. Every student in the hall was stunned. Everyone, except for the Slytherins. They were looking smug. But that was to be expected. Most of the Slytherins fathers were death eaters, people that were loyal to Voldemort.  
  
"It is for the best, you know," said a serious looking Hermione to Ron.  
  
"Yeah well, I still don't think it's fair!" Ron was really angry.  
  
They started to argue, so they missed the unreadable look on Harry's face. He understood that it was just too dangerous to leave the castle. After all, he managed to kill Cedric and he was on Hogwarts when he and Harry were transported. Yes, Harry remembered it well. Cedric had died there, Voldemort was resurrected and it was his fault. He felt so terrible guilty. He often felt guilty, but he never showed it. Nobody could know his own thoughts. That, he kept secret . . . .  
  
Snape was intently watching Harry. He noticed the grave look on his face. He wondered what it was all about. But he would find out if it was anything of importance.  
  
*It's good that Dumbledore made me watch him. Something is clearly bothering him.*  
  
Then he smirked.  
  
*And if I'm lucky, I can take some points from him.*  
  
That thought clearly made Snape happy.  
  
The feast had ended too soon, and Ron, Hermione and Harry decided to go to the common room. There Hermione noticed that something was bothering Harry.  
  
"Harry, what's wrong?"  
  
Harry sighed. He did not want to have this conservation right now.  
  
"Nothing's wrong, 'Mione. I'm just really tired.  
  
He showed a small smile as to prove his statement. It was all he could do. He just hoped it was enough to make her believe him. Hermione didn't really believe him, but she decided to let it rest. For now, that is. Because she would find out what was bothering him.  
  
"Goodnight, Harry."  
  
"Goodnight, 'Mione."  
  
Hermione left after saying this.  
  
Harry walked towards his bed, falling right onto it.  
  
*They can't know I still feel guilty. They would just be sympathetic and I really don't want that. I just want them to leave me be. Besides, it's my problem, and I can handle it. The moment I can't handle it anymore, I'll ask for their help.*  
  
With that last thought, he fell asleep, not realising he had made his friends worry about him.  
  
Please r/r! 


	3. Insults and surprises

Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling  
  
*.* denotes thoughts  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine  
  
Thanks for the wonderful reviews everybody!  
  
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Insults and surprises  
  
They first had DADA today. Harry wondered who was going to teach it, because he hadn't seen a new teacher sitting at the staff table.  
  
"Harry, hurry up! We're going to be late for class!"  
  
Typical Hermione. Harry ran to the common room where Hermione and Ron where waiting.  
  
"Who'd you reckon the new DADA teacher is, Harry?" asked Ron.  
  
"Your guess is as good as mine. I just hope he isn't a Lockhart wannabe!"  
  
"Ewww! Let's hope he's not!"  
  
Hermione shaked her head as to say: Boys will be boys.  
  
"Don't be silly. Now let's go!"  
  
They soon arrived at the class as one of the first, taking the front seats. They found themselves being very curious about who was going to teach this class. They started to speculate who was going to teach the class.  
  
The whole class was assembled, both the Slytherins and the Griffyndors. They don't really mix well because of their fierce house rivalry.  
  
"Who do we have here? Again. You just don't go away, do you."  
  
Harry looked vehemently at Draco, who had a smug look upon his face.  
  
"Sod of, Malfoy!"  
  
"Tsk, tsk., rude, are we? You know, Potter, I never thought it possible, but you are even skinnier then before. What did you do, try to starve yourself to death?"  
  
Harry glared at Draco remaining silent. He would not dignify Draco with an answer. Besides, Draco wasn't worth it. He was just some spoiled little brat.  
  
"To bad you failed, Potter!"  
  
Nobody had noticed the man that came into the classroom. He had suddenly stopped when he heard Draco insulting Harry. And he sure as hell wouldn't allow it.  
  
"25 points from Slytherin, Mister Malfoy!"  
  
Draco looked startled at the man, replying after a while:  
  
"Yes, professor Lupin."  
  
He cast Harry a dark look before he sat down. Professor Lupin gave Harry a smile wink, which made Harry smile. He was very glad to see Remus Lupin again. He was the best DADA teacher they ever had. And, in some way, tried to do Harry harm.  
  
"I shall be teaching DADA again this year."  
  
All the Griffyndors cheered. Ron and Hermione smiled happily.  
  
Remus Lupin was back!!  
  
How did you like this part? Please review!! 


	4. The conversation

Disclaimer: All characters are not mine. Too bad.  
  
*.* denotes thoughts  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine  
  
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The conversation  
  
Hermione hadn't forgotten her conversation with Harry. She decided to confront him again. He was going to tell her what was wrong!  
  
"Harry? Can I talk to you? Alone?"  
  
Harry knew what she wanted to ask. It bothered him that she assumed he wasn't okay. But he also knew that he had to have this conversation, otherwise she would keep asking him.  
  
"'Kay, 'Mione."  
  
He followed her to the common room that was deserted due to the late hour. The fire was lit, so it was comfortable warm. They both seated on the bench in front of the fire. Harry stared into the fire, not wanting to look at Hermione.  
  
"Harry, how are you?"  
  
"Fine."  
  
"You're not fine, Harry! I can clearly see that something is wrong!"  
  
Harry looked away. * I can't let her know. She'd be overly protective of me.*  
  
"Nothing 's wrong, 'Mione. Really."  
  
Hermione eyed him suspiciously. She knew he was lying again, but why? Did he have something to hide? And from his friends, of all people?  
  
"What is it you're not telling me?"  
  
Harry sighed. He really didn't want to talk about it. So he just kept staring into the fire, hoping that she wouldn't insist.  
  
"Harry, answer me, please!"  
  
He had enough. He had tried being polite and calm. He just stood up and left the common room with the intention of wandering through the hallways. Unfortunately, Hermione was right behind him.  
  
"Harry, don't run away from me!"  
  
"I don't want to talk about it! I already told you I was fine!"  
  
Hermione sadly shook her head.  
  
"You're acting different, Harry. And you're looking a bit different too."  
  
Harry didn't know what to say, so he remained silent. He saw that Hermione was uncomfortable. But she was the one he wanted to pursue this, so it was her own fault.  
  
"What Draco said was true. You do look skinnier, your jaw is a bit more square, your cheekbones more accentuated and your hair has grown and isn't quite as messy anymore."  
  
Hermione was talking rather fast now.  
  
"Did the Dursleys starve you? Did something happen during your vacation? I just want to help!"  
  
Harry had heard enough. The oh so bright Hermione was just assuming things she had no knowledge of.  
  
"So I lost some weight. Or maybe I have grown a bit, making me look skinnier. That doesn't automatically mean that the Dursleys starved me! They didn't treat me any different! And hair grows! It's normal, especially when you don't cut it! My face? "  
  
Harry was pointing angrily at his face.  
  
"In case you haven't noticed, I'm growing up! People tend to change when they get older!"  
  
Hermione pointedly stared at her feet, cheeks red from embarrassment.  
  
"I'll just leave you alone," she whispered.  
  
Harry was left with his anger, but it soon disappeared leaving him feeling drained. He walked to his room to retire for the night.  
  
Snape was wandering through the hallways when he suddenly heard Hermione and Harry. He crept closer to listen to their conversation without being noticed. When he heard them leave, he came out of hiding.  
  
*So that Granger girl believes that Potter has changed? *  
  
He started to head back to the dungeons.  
  
*Potter has acted quite strange lately. And he looks indeed a bit different. *  
  
The conversation kept him awake for the better part of the night.  
  
What did you think of the conversation? Please review!!! 


	5. Short fuse

This is a challenge from Severitus!  
  
Disclaimer: Still not mine. Too bad.  
  
*. . .* denotes thoughts  
  
Warning for graphic language. It's not much though.  
  
I always correct the mistakes immediately when I find them. Tell me if you found one!  
  
Thanks for all the reviews! I just love it!!  
  
Love it, love it, love it, love it!!!  
  
Now on with the story!!  
  
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Short fuse  
  
The next day the sun was shining brightly. It held the promise of a beautiful day. But the Gryffindors who were eating their breakfast felt doom coming near. Today they had. . .Double Potions from the most feared teacher ever to set food in Hogwarts.  
  
They hurried to the dungeons out of fear for the teacher. The dark, brooding, sneering teacher. On top of this, Harry really wasn't having a good day. He took a seat in the back of the dungeon, away from the prying eyes of Hermione and Ron. Today he just wanted to be left alone by everyone. Suddenly professor Snape stormed in.  
  
"I do not expect you to be a potions master like me, but this year I at least expect you can make the simplest of potions without accidents!"  
  
He glared at Neville Longbottom, who seemed to shrink under his fierce gaze. Everyone knew that Neville sucked at potions and that he feared the potions master because of his snide comments. Most Gryffindors felt sorry for Neville, but for the Slytherins, he was a source for amusement. Not to mention that he was an easy target!  
  
"Now listen up. We're going to make the simplest antidote potion that exists. Try to make it RIGHT this time!"  
  
So everyone started to take notes. Soon enough they started to chop their ingredients and brew their potions. When Harry didn't watch though, Draco put something in his potion. It started to heat up at an amazingly rate and exploded. Everyone that was close to Harry, were covered with the antidote potion. Luckily, no harm was done. Snape was looking angry and smug at the same time. He stormed to Harry, feeling pleased that he could take points from him /and/ give him detention.  
  
"Mister Potter! What did you do to your potion?"  
  
"Nothing professor!"  
  
If looks could kill, then Harry would have died on the spot.  
  
"20 points from Gryffindor and detention tonight at 8 o clock!"  
  
Harry couldn't believe his ears. It wasn't his fault and yet he got detention. Not to mention the points he lost! When he recovered from the shock, he became very angry.  
  
"How dare you accuse me of something I didn't do! You should keep a closer look at your Slytherins!"  
  
"Potter. . . !"  
  
But Harry was to angry to heed the warning.  
  
"From the moment I came hear you loathed me! And why? Because I'm the famous Harry Potter! I never /choose/ to be famous, yet you keep blaming me for it! Or do you just hate me because I'm a Potter?!"  
  
Snape too was now seething with anger. He would not take this from a student, and especially not from Harry!  
  
"Potter, I am warning you!" He growled.  
  
To no avail.  
  
"I don't care anymore! Take all the points you will! Give me detention 'till I grow to be 60! I just don't fucking care! Why don't you just go screw yourself!"  
  
With that, he stormed of.  
  
Snape was, for the first time in his teaching days, left speechless.  
  
Please r/r!! 


	6. You what!

This story has been writing itself up to now! I've even surprised myself; usually I'm not even that good at writing stories. Thanks for the reviews, they help a lot! Keeps me motivated to!  
  
Disclaimer: characters still aren't mine.  
  
*. . .* denotes thoughts  
  
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You what?!  
  
Ron and Hermione were shocked to see Harry act, well, rude. This worried them greatly. Yet they both agreed to leave him alone. They didn't want his wrath upon them!  
  
Ron let it go rather easily. He had loved to see professor Snape speechless, but Hermione started thinking again about their conversation.  
  
*I know he is hiding something. But what? And why was he so angry? He knows Snape just as well as I do. Something is definitely wrong, and I'm going to find out what!*  
  
She was determent to do so. Nothing would be able to stop her. Not even the consequences!  
  
Harry had gone outside in the cool breeze. He still felt the anger raging in him. He started stalking around, or actually, in circles, too relieve him from his anger.  
  
*Damn the man! I just wanted to be left alone! But no, he had to give me detention again! Why can't he get of my back!*  
  
Then he gazed over the grounds and shook his head wistfully.  
  
*I should not have gotten angry, no matter how much he deserved it. I'll go to the detention, even if it is only to show him that I do take the responsibility for my actions.*  
  
With that thought in his mind, he went back inside for the other lessons. But he was sure to cast a spell before that. One that would make him less noticeable. If only he had thought about it before, then he wouldn't be in trouble now. He slapped himself on the head. All that trouble for nothing.  
  
The day seemed long for Harry. Transfiguration was a disaster and History of Magic still as boring as always. He was relieved when it was time for dinner.  
  
"Harry, why were you so rude to professor Snape?"  
  
Hermione got straight to the point.  
  
"Because I wasn't having my day, and I'm still not having my day. But don't worry, 'Mione, I plan to go to the detention and /try/ to apologise."  
  
This pleased Hermione very much. *At least he takes his responsibility!*  
  
But Ron sat their flabbergasted. He couldn't believe his ears. Harry was the first one to stand up against Snape, and know he was going to apologise? He just wouldn't have it!  
  
"You're not going to apologise, are you? I mean, that greasy git had it coming!"  
  
"I have to, Ron. I don't won't the rest of my school year to be a hell, just because I didn't apologise!"  
  
Though Ron knew Harry had a point, he still didn't want to admit it.  
  
"I still believe you shouldn't apologise. But I'm already glad that I saw that bastard speechless. I hope that he has a bit mercy on you, though I doubt it."  
  
"I hope so too, Ron. I hope so too."  
  
It was 8 o 'clock, way too early for Harry, who now was feeling dreadful. He knocked quickly on the door, hearing a muffled 'enter' as reply. He silently walked into the dungeon, missing the surprised look on Snape his face.  
  
"So you decided to come after all." The professor sneered.  
  
Harry shovelled a bit with his feet, replying:  
  
"I wanted to apologise, professor. What I did was uncalled for and terrible rude."  
  
He sighed. He wanted this over and done with.  
  
"I realise that I was at fault and that have to take the responsibilities for my actions."  
  
If Snape was once again surprised, then he didn't show it this time.  
  
"Very well, mister Potter. The headmaster asked me to make a Revelus potion. You shall assist with that. After that, you can scrub some cauldrons."  
  
Harry was dumbfounded. Why was Snape going so easy on him after all he had done? But he didn't complain. He was too relieved to complain.  
  
They started brewing the potion. Harry took care off the ingredients while Snape mixed them. When they were finished, an accident happened. Harry was still holding the knife he used for cutting the ingredients. He swished it through the air, cutting Snape by accident. A drop of blood fell into the potion. Then Harry managed to cut himself. A drop of his blood fell also into the potion. The two drops of blood whirled into the potion until they melted into each other.  
  
The potions teacher was stunned.  
  
*It can't be! It just can't be! He cannot be my.!*  
  
He looked at Harry who was also looking stunned.  
  
"What? But.! It can't be!"  
  
It was then that Snape realised that Harry knew the potion. It was also then that he truly realised that Harry was Lily and his son.  
  
"I seem to be your father, Harry." He said it very calm, but inside he was at turmoil.  
  
"You what?!" Harry looked furious. "You can't be my father! I cannot and will not accept it! I am a Potter, not a Snape! I would rather die then be a Snape!"  
  
With those words said, he stalked out the dungeons. Snape was shocked. Harry surely couldn't mean those harsh words?! There was only one thing that he could do now. Inform Dumbledore.  
  
Love it? Hate it? Let me now! 


	7. Accepting and denying

Disclaimer: Not mine!  
  
*. . .* denotes thoughts  
  
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Accepting and denying  
  
Snape walked up to the gargoyle, telling it the password so that he would be able to enter.  
  
"Ah Severus. To what do I own the pleasure of your visit?"  
  
Dumbledore sat behind his desk, eyes twinkling with hidden pleasure and mischief. Snape suspected him of already knowing what was going on.  
  
"You know, don't you?"  
  
"Know what?"  
  
Dumbledore acted as though he really didn't know. This annoyed Snape to no end. He was sure that Dumbledore had asked him to brew that particular potion for a reason. To reveal his connection with Harry.  
  
"Why don't you sit down and tell me what happened, Severus."  
  
Dumbledore conjured up two cups and tea.  
  
"Would you like some? Or perhaps a lemon drop?"  
  
Snape declined, but he did sit down. He slowly began his story.  
  
"You know that Harry had detention with me tonight. He had to assist me with the brewing of the potion. Somehow, I still can't imagine how, he managed to cut us both. A drop of blood from each of us fell into the potion, revealing that I'm Harry's father. Harry ran after realising this."  
  
Dumbledore just sat there, listening and smiling in himself.  
  
"Why, Albus, do I have the feeling that you plotted this?"  
  
Albus pretended to be hurt, saying innocently:  
  
"Why Severus, I have no idea what you're talking about!"  
  
But to Severus, he looked /too/ innocent.  
  
*He didn't know? Hah! I don't believe that! Dumbledore knows everything that is going on between these walls!*  
  
But Dumbledore insisted on acting like he didn't know anything about it.  
  
"How could Harry be your son, Severus? He looks remarkably like James Potter."  
  
"Lily probably used a glamorie spell. Haven't you noticed that Harry looks a bit different? I think the spell started to fade around his 15th birthday. Soon, he will look like me. As for Harry being my son. . . "  
  
Snape hesitated a moment. He hadn't told this part to anyone.  
  
"Lily and I were together for a short time. Actually, we broke up a month before she married Potter. She must have been pregnant from me. And she probably didn't tell me because she found out that I was a death eater."  
  
Severus looked at the floor now, feeling disgusted. Then he felt a bit strange. *I have a son!*  
  
"Why don't we go and find Harry. He needs to be explained. And Severus, don't worry, everything will work out. I'm sure of it."  
  
Severus agreed, so they both left to find his newly found son.  
  
Harry ran blindly through the castle until he found himself outside on the quidditch field.  
  
*He can /not/ be my father! It just can't be! James Potter is my father. I even look like a Potter!*  
  
But if he had to be completely honest, then he had to admit that he was beginning to look more like Snape. He uttered every curse that he could find, stalking around the quidditch field.  
  
This is how Severus and Albus found him.  
  
"You should watch your tongue, Harry."  
  
Harry was startled. He quickly turned around to see Snape stand there. After a moment he also noticed Dumbledore.  
  
"I believe I have reason to 'not watch my tongue'!"  
  
Harry was surprised when Snape didn't answer him. He didn't even sneer at him. Come to think of it, Snape called him Harry instead of Potter.  
  
"You will have to accept that he is your father, Harry."  
  
This time Dumbledore spoke.  
  
"But I don't have to accept it right now nor do I have to like it!" replied Harry stubbornly.  
  
"I know, Harry. Why don't I leave you two alone so you can talk about this?"  
  
With those words, Dumbledore left the two of them alone. Snape looked a bit uncomfortable. He didn't know where to start.  
  
"How. . . ?" Harry started to ask, but for some reason he couldn't finish his question.  
  
"Your mother and I had a short relationship that ended a month before she married James."  
  
Snape watched Harry intensively, hoping to catch his reaction. Harry took a hand through his hair when Snape noticed something. With a single stride he was right in front of Harry, seizing his arm to take a better look at it. When he saw the arm, he gasped. Harry pulled his arm out of Snape his grasp, looking defiantly. First Snape didn't know what to say. He had seen those red stripes before on his own arm. He knew exactly what it meant.  
  
"Harry," he pleaded, "Don't tell me that you're cutting your own arm. Don't tell me that you mutilate yourself!"  
  
Harry took a step backwards.  
  
"No I don't! Besides, it's non of your business!"  
  
"You're my son!"  
  
"But I don't have to accepted you as my father, so just leave me alone! I don't want to have anything to do with you!"  
  
Snape could only watch helplessly as Harry ran back to Hogwarts. He desperately wanted to help his son, but he would not be able to do so if he defied him.  
  
Pondering this, he never noticed how his feelings of loathing were replaced by fatherly feelings. . . .  
  
Few! That was a tough chapter for me!  
  
Please review!!!!!  
  
Btw: Revelus potion: A potion that reveals if someone is family of you are not. If the drops of blood stay away from each other, then they're not family. If it comes near eachother, but not blend, then they're family, but not brother/sister or parent/child. If they blend, then they're brother/sister or parent/child.  
  
I hope this explains some things! 


	8. Stopping the flow

Disclaimer: not mine  
  
*. . .* denotes thoughts  
  
Behold. . . My next chapter!!!  
  
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Stopping the flow  
  
Lupin was deep in thoughts when he was heading towards the staff room. He didn't notice Harry who was running through the hallway, not looking where he was going, until he bumped into Lupin. Lupin couldn't help but notice Harrys' tearstrikken face.  
  
"What's wrong, Harry? Why have you been crying?"  
  
He had asked it very gently, yet Harry seemed to be startled.  
  
"Nothing much. I just found out that. . .that. . . that that greasy bastard is supposed to be my father! Can you imagine it? Me, Harry /Snape/!"  
  
The last sentence he said with as much disgust that he could muster.  
  
"But I really, don't want to talk about it. At least not right now."  
  
Lupin just nodded, he could understand that. He was surprised himself that Harry did find out. Of course Remus knew that Harry was Snapes son, because Lily had come to him for support and advise when she found out she was pregnant from Snape. And she had told Remus that the only solution she could find was to put glamorie on Harry the moment he was born so that he would resemble James instead of Snape. This way, they wouldn't have to answer question they were not prepared to answer.  
  
Harry soon found himself back in his dorm room, his head full of thoughts, and his heart full with emotions. He was angry at Dumbledore for plotting this. He just knew that Dumbledore plotted this. He was angry at his ex- father, He was furious at Snape for being his real father, and for finding out. Yet, at the same time, he was relieved that he found out, because he knew that what he did to his arm isn't healthy. He tried to tell somebody, but he just couldn't utter the words. He had tried to tell his friends so many times. . . . He kept stalking around the room, these thoughts swirling in his head.  
  
  
  
  
  
Snape didn't now what to do. He desperately wanted to help Harry. He feared for his life. He now had the son he had always wanted. That was the reason he was so harsh to Harry. He had believed him to be the child that should have been his! And now he would help his. . . /his/ son, no matter what!  
  
*It's so easy to cut too deep, and it only has to happen once. I should've noticed it before! I know the symptoms by heart!*  
  
He suddenly stopped. He did know the symptoms by heart. And Harry was in a fool mood. Snape ran to find Harry. He just hoped that he wouldn't be to late. . .  
  
  
  
Harry was still thinking. He was still feeling. He was still stalking around his room.  
  
*I told Snape I would rather die then to have him as a father. Perhaps. . .he isn't too bad as a father. Heaven knows I wanted one. But no.*  
  
Harry shook his head in denial.  
  
*He surely wouldn't want /me/ as his son. The Dursleys never wanted me. I've always been a burden to everyone. And people die because of me.*  
  
His thoughts kept going in circles.  
  
*Voldemort wants to get rid of me. And everybody else expect me to be the Boy-Who-Lived, not Harry. No, never me, always an ideal image. The golden boy. The defeater of evil.*  
  
Harry started to feel really depressed.  
  
  
  
Snape ran and ran, so fast that you would almost think he could fly.  
  
*Let me be on time, and don't let /me/ be the reason!*  
  
If possible, he even fastened his already flying pace.  
  
  
  
Harry was almost crying. Almost.  
  
*Nobody wants me. Why would they? I'm worthless, a nobody. Snape as my father? He doesn't want me. And I told him I would rather die. . .*  
  
Mechanically he took his knife and started to cut his arms. He saw the blood flow, but didn't care. He didn't even blink or flinch when he cut too deep. He only saw the blood. The red colour, so full of life. Full of energy. He didn't have the energy anymore.  
  
He fell on the ground, finally completely empty of thoughts and feelings.  
  
Finally peace.  
  
  
  
That is how Snape found him.  
  
  
  
Please r/r!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
I'm a meany to stop here, aren't I? hehehehehhehehe!!!!!! 


	9. Floating

Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine  
  
* . . .* denotes thoughts  
  
Here I'm back with a chapter!!!!!!! I LOVED ALL THE REVIEWS. JAJ TO REVIEWERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
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Floating  
  
He felt like he was floating. Or perhaps drifting. Bordering near consciences. Almost, but just out of his reach. He was floating. Perhaps being carried? He didn't know. Didn't want to know. All he knew that he was feeling at peace. Darkness overwhelmed him, he welcomed it. The lovely night in his mind, his freedom, his acceptance. Nobody would notice him in the dark of the night. That's why he loved the night. The night is black. Black? Shouldn't he go to Sirius Black, his Godfather? No more thinking, no more thoughts. Just floating in peace, being content to be carried. Or to fly.  
  
  
  
Snape saw that Harry was still breathing, although very shallow. He saw his arm and magically healed it, but Harry had lost a lot of blood. The floor looked like somebody had wanted to paint it red. Too much blood was lost. He couldn't afford to lose time now. Harrys' life was hanging on a tin thread that was ready to snap. Every second now mattered. Every second could mean the difference between life and death. Snape gently picked him up and raced at the infirmary.  
  
Tic-tac  
  
Seconds pass by.  
  
Lost forever.  
  
Snape raced at a break-neck speed at the infirmary, hoping he would be there on time. He had no time to think. Only time for actions.  
  
He was flying down the dark hallways, as seconds were lost.  
  
Tic-tac  
  
The cruel time did not stop.  
  
It even seemed to go faster.  
  
  
  
He was still floating. But it wasn't so dark anymore. He could see a light. The light. The light of oblivion. The light of eternity. He wanted to embrace the light. He wanted to be no more. No more. . .  
  
Harrys' chest rose and fell, rose and fell. Slower and slower. No more. . . . Harry breathed no more.  
  
"Harry, breath, you stupid boy!!! Breath! I want you to live! I need you to live!"  
  
Snape was near tears.  
  
"LIVE!!!"  
  
  
  
Harry was so close to the light, so close when he heard the voice.  
  
". . . stupid boy! Breathe! . . . to live! I need you to. . ."  
  
Need to what?  
  
"LIVE!!!"  
  
He turned from the light. He would stay a bit longer in the darkness. He could embrace the light later. He wanted to know the voice. He needed to know the voice.  
  
  
  
Snape was relieved when he heard Harry inhale. He breathed again. He would live a bit longer. He was almost at the infirmary. It was just a few seconds away. . .  
  
  
  
You like? Please r/r  
  
Wow, I wrote this in 30 minutes, not knowing what exactly I was going to write. Forgive me if it has a lot of mistakes!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	10. To be loved

Disclaimer: Not mine  
  
*. . .* denotes thoughts.  
  
Oooooh, the previous chapter was. . . I can't find the words!!!!!  
  
Now, on with it!!  
  
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To be loved  
  
Snape burst into the infirmary, wildly shouting for Madame Pomfrey as he carefully placed Harry on a bed. Madame Pomfrey ran to Snape.  
  
"What's the matter?"  
  
She took one look at Harry and let out a cry.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
Snape showed her his arm and the wounds that were there. Madame Pomfrey steered Snape out of the infirmary, so Snape decided to go and see Dumbledore for the second time this evening.  
  
"Severus, something wrong?"  
  
The usual twinkle was not in his eyes, for Dumbledore could see that something was amiss.  
  
"Harry. . ."  
  
He could not say more. He had to sit down, so he did. He kept staring at the desks, struggling to find the words which would convey what had happened.  
  
"Harry cuts his arms. I found out at the quidditch field while we were talking. When I saw them, he got angry again and left. But you know that I also did cut my arm when I was younger. After a while I realised that it was a dangerous situation, especially because Harry was in such a bad mood. So I ran to his dorm room, hoping he was there."  
  
Snape was unable to continue. Dumbledore gave him a glass water which he accepted greedily. The look in Albus' eyes encouraged him to go on with his story.  
  
"I found Harry on the floor, bleeding to death. I picked him up and ran at the infirmary."  
  
Snape blinked repeatedly with his eyes, not wanting his tears to fall. He cried out in anguish:  
  
"He almost died! He didn't breath for a moment! He's with Madame Pomfrey now. I hope that she can save Harry. I really hope so."  
  
Then Snape whispered, almost to soft to hear:  
  
"I just found out I have a son; I don't want to lose him."  
  
He buried his head in his hands. Dumbledore was shocked.  
  
"This is very grave, Snape! I should have know; I should've helped him. Let's go see how he is doing now."  
  
That said, they both left for the infirmary.  
  
  
  
Madame Pomfrey walked up to Snape and Dumbledore.  
  
"I gave him some blood, because he lost too much. There's nothing I can do now. Either he wakes or not. It's a touch and go."  
  
"Thank you, Madame Pomfrey."  
  
Snape sat next to the bed Harry was in. He would not leave until Harry woke up. He took Harrys' hand as to comfort him, sending him all his love.  
  
A bit short, but I wrote 2 chapters today!!!!!!  
  
Please r/r!!!! 


	11. A reason to live

Disclaimer: not mine  
  
A reason to live  
  
Snape kept looking at Harry. He wanted to let Harry know that he was there for him. That he still had a reason to live. That he wanted to get to know his son. That he never hated him. But he didn't know how to start. He didn't know what to say. So he just started at the first thing that came in his mind.  
  
Albus looked at him and decided to put a silencing charm over Snape and Harry, so that only those two would hear what was said. It was for the better. They wouldn't want the students to find out certain secrets.  
  
So Snape began to talk.  
  
"You now, I used to cut myself too. It was Albus that helped me to end that nasty habit before it was too late. The reason why I cut myself was my father. He didn't exactly treat me . . . kindly. One night he took me to Voldemort so that I could receive the tattoo. There I saw people getting tortured and killed. I was feeling very ill afterwards. But then they wanted me to kill too. I learned to appear to enjoy it, but in reality, I couldn't handle it, so I started to could myself. I always felt clean afterwards. I was glad my father died, but I could never escape Voldemort. So I kept cutting myself. One night I decided that I didn't want to be evil. I went to Albus to confess. He turned me into a spy, with my consent, of course. Well, he found out about the cutting and helped me to express my feelings another way. So, in more then one way, he saved my life. He gave me a reason to live.  
  
*Floating in the darkness. Being carried? No more. A voice. A voice penetrated the darkness. No longer alone. Company. Listen to the voice. Soothing voice. Nice voice.*  
  
"So after that I kept on spying on Voldemort. Until you defeated him. Many believed him to be dead, but not me. I just knew that he would return."  
  
Snape was staring at his hands. He already told his son more than Albus. Of course Albus knew all this, but he got to know it gradually.  
  
"I really loved Lily. She loved me too, with all her heart. I planned to ask her to marry me, but she found out I was a death eater and ran away from me, though I believe now that she ran away to protect you."  
  
Harry seemed at peace. This encouraged Snape to keep on talking.  
  
"Why do you cut yourself, Harry? I really want to know why you feel the need to cut yourself."  
  
He sighed. He knew that the answer would not be given to him right now.  
  
"I know you think I loath you, Harry. But that is not true. I have to do so for the death eaters. The Slytherins would go telling their fathers that a fellow death eater was nice to the Boy-Who-Lived. I would be killed in a heartbeat. It is just an act. Harry, know that I love you. I'll give you a reason to live.  
  
I love you and cannot bear to lose you  
  
You're my son, and truth to be told, I always wanted to be a father.  
  
I'm proud to have you as my son"  
  
He didn't know what to say anymore, so he stood up to leave. Suddenly he heard somebody croak.  
  
"A reason . . . to live."  
  
Snape whirled around to look at Harry, but found him once again unconscious. Yet he held now the hope that Harry would wake soon.  
  
And he would do anything for his son, just for him to have a reason to live.  
  
Awww, isn't this touching?  
  
Please r/r 


	12. Dreamscape of the mind

Finally! Another chapter ready!!! I'm sorry it took so long, but I was really busy!!! I'll try to update AT LEAST once a week, but do forgive me if you have to wait a bit longer. But I'm not quitting this story, it's too much fun!!!!  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: characters aren't mine  
  
*. . .* denotes thoughts  
  
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Dreamscape of the mind  
  
Snape came back the next day to hold his sons' hand, but something strange happened. As soon as Snape had taken his hand, he felt something pull at him. After a moment he found himself to be in an unknown place. It looked really sober, almost like a doomed place, full with ashes and black trees. There was no sun, only grey clouds. He began to walk around, not knowing where he was supposed to go. Suddenly, the scenery changed. He now stood before an ordinary looking house. But the curious thing was that the door was open. Snape went to investigate the matter of the open door. He went into the house and searched the whole house for people, but non were there to be found. Suddenly, he heard someone sobbing. Tracking the sound, he went to the stairs. He noticed the little door, and opened it. There he found Harry like he was at age 10. He looked up and Snape felt his heart tug in his chest when he saw the big, moist, emerald eyes.  
  
"What are you doing here? This is my room!"  
  
Snape was startled, but also realised something. He realised that he was inside Harry his head. He also realised that he could try to talk to Harry to wake him up. He was startled to discover that his son slept in. . . in. . . a tiny so-called bedroom! No wonder that the boy always seemed so small!  
  
"I'm. . . just visiting in the hope I could talk to you."  
  
"I guess that's alright."  
  
Harry moved over so that Snape could sit next to him. Harry looked a bit nervous. He kept fiddling with his fingers. So Snape decided to start talking.  
  
"Harry, what are you doing here?"  
  
Harry evaded his gaze which was now on him. After some encouragement from Snape, he answered.  
  
"I'm. . . hiding."  
  
"Why? What for? From what?"  
  
Harry looked pained.  
  
"From the whole world."  
  
Harry stood up and walked outside the house, with Snape following him. Suddenly the scene shifted again. This time they were at Diagon Ally, but the place was devoid of people. This unnerved Snape, who was feeling a bit. . . well, out of place.  
  
"Why aren't there people here, Harry?"  
  
"I don't want them to be here."  
  
Snape now noticed that he looked now 13 years old. The boy was tense, but he did explain further.  
  
"All the people look at me like I'm their saviour, like I'm the only candle burning in the complete darkness. Those who don't look at me like that, loath me because of my fame."  
  
He looked near tears. Suddenly his gaze locked onto Snape.  
  
"They all expect me to be the Boy-Who-Lived, but nobody cares about Harry. Nobody cares about the real me."  
  
"Harry . . ."  
  
Snape was at lost what to say. He was torn by the teary look of Harry. Then the scenery shifted again. It was the same sober place Snape was first in. Again the black trees and the ashes. Harry gave a bitter laugh. Now he looked his own age, 15 years old.  
  
"Don't you just love this place? It's /so full/ of colour!"  
  
He sobered up almost immediately.  
  
"I know people don't want me. Why would they? I'm just their hero, not an actual person!"  
  
"Harry. . ."  
  
"Don't! Don't tell me your pretty lies! I know you don't want me! You loath me! Nobody wants me! I'm just an object that can be used to defeat Voldemort! After that, I'll be of no more use!"  
  
This angered Snape. What did the boy want, pity? !  
  
"Stop your self-pity! People don't want to use you! And it's true I never treated you good, but did I treat any of my students good? With an exception of the Slytherins? No! I want you as my son, Harry. Nothing you can do or say will say that! But in order to be a father, I need you to wake up and live!"  
  
Harry looked shocked, but also the tiniest bit pleased. Suddenly the place was no more and they were in the infirmary again. Harry jerked upright, looking bewildered at Snape. Snape just looked relieved.  
  
"Welcome back in the land of the living."  
  
  
  
Hate it. Love it? Let me know!!!!!!!! 


	13. My protector, my father

Disclaimer: Not mine  
  
*. . . * denotes thoughts  
  
Another chapter finished!!!!!  
  
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My protector, my father.  
  
"Welcome back into the land of the living."  
  
Harry had trouble remembering what happened. He looked bewildered at Snape, as to find a clue. He only noticed a relieved look on his face.  
  
*He's relieved to see me awake? How did that happen. Actually, the question is, what did happen. I remember the potion and Snape telling me he is my father. I remember running away to the common room. I was pacing and thinking. They were not very pleasant thoughts. And. . .*  
  
Suddenly he remembered. He eyed his arm, seeing the cut immediately. It was more red than the other scars. He realised that he had cut too deep. The blood that had fallen on the floor, the feeling that he was floating.  
  
Snape saw Harry looking at his arm, remembering.  
  
*How will he react now? Knowing that I am his father. Knowing that he almost died. Does he know that I carried him to the infirmary? Will. . .he accept me?*  
  
But Harry was still lost in his own thoughts, trying to grasp what happened in his dreams.  
  
*I felt like I was being carried. But who carried me? Who saved my life? And the dream. . . . Did it really happen. Was Snape in my mind? Did he really mean what he said? Only one wat to find out, I guess.*  
  
Harry reluctantly looked Snape in the eyes. He had so many questions, but he was afraid of the answers. Yet he had to know.  
  
"Was it. . . you who took me to the infirmary?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"So. . .you saved my life?"  
  
"I believe so."  
  
It was an very awkward situation, for both of them. Harry sighed. This was going nowhere.  
  
"Tell me what happened after. . .you know."  
  
Harry averted his gaze. He felt very uncomfortable asking an explanation. Snape clearly saw that, so he decided to make it a bit easier on him by just telling it.  
  
"I saw the cuts on your arm. You claimed them to be nothing and ran away. Fearing for the worst, I ran after you. I found you in your room, lying on the ground, soaked in your own blood. I picked you up and ran to the infirmary. You almost died."  
  
At this last statement, his voice cracked a bit. Harry didn't no what to do, how to react at what he had said. Snape continued his story.  
  
"Poppy had done what she could, but she wasn't sure you would wake up. So I talked to you and took your hand, when something pulled at me. I was pulled into your mind. We talked, and now your awake."  
  
Snape looked at his own hands. He was afraid of how Harry would react on his story.  
  
"You really want me as your son?"  
  
"More then anything!"  
  
Harry thought long and deep. He always had wanted a father. And if Snape was willing to try, then he was willing to try too. Suddenly he was pulled out of his thinking by Snapes voice.  
  
"I will understand if you don't want the 'greasy git of a potions master' as your father."  
  
This shocked Harry. How could he explain that he now did want him as his father? He decided to try anyway.  
  
"Look at me!"  
  
Harry said this a bit more fiercely then necessary, bit it made Snape look him in the eyes. Making sure he had captured his gaze, Harry continued:  
  
"From the moment I come to this school, you always looked out for me, although I didn't realise it at the time. You never stopped looking out for me. You were, and still are my protector. But now that you have found out that you're my father, you try even harder to keep me safe; I can tell. But now you also want the best for me, to care for me, to. . .give me some love."  
  
Harry looked at Snape with tears in his eyes.  
  
"It was you who kept me from dying. And I would be glad to have you as my father. It's just a bit awkward. I don't know what to call you anymore."  
  
Snape was overjoyed although he only looked mildly pleased.  
  
"You can call me whatever you want. Professor Snape, Severus, Father, and perhaps after some time. . .even dad, if you would like too."  
  
Harry smiled.  
  
"I think, for the time being, I will call you father when it's just you and me."  
  
They both laughed at that. Could you imagine the looks on the faces of the students if Harry called Snape 'father' in the middle of potions? But then Snape got serious.  
  
"Harry, nobody can know. If Voldemort found out, we would both be at risk, you understand?"  
  
Harry just nodded.  
  
"And Harry, you can always visit me after classes, just use your invisibility cloak, okay?"  
  
Harry nodded again, but Snape still wasn't finished.  
  
"And we are still going to have a talk about the cuts on your arm!"  
  
Harry knew that his. . .father was concerned for him. But anger started to rise. He still didn't want to talk about the cutting. Snape noticed this. He put an arm on his sons' shoulder as to comfort him.  
  
"You have to talk about it Harry. It almost killed you. But I will not pressure you right away. You just rest for now, I'll come back later."  
  
He gave Harry a small, tentative hug before he left.  
  
Awwwwwww!!!!!!!! I could just cry!  
  
Please r/r!!!!! 


	14. Peace no more

Disclaimer: Not mine  
  
*. . .* denotes thoughts  
  
Thanks for all the reviews! I just love them! Don't ever stop reviewing!!!!  
  
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Peace no more  
  
Ron and Hermione went to visit Harry. They wanted to know what had happened. So they went to the infirmary to talk to Harry and see how he was doing.  
  
"How are you doing, Harry?"  
  
Straight to the point. As always.  
  
"Better, 'Mione. With a bit of luck, Madame Pomfrey will let me go this evening."  
  
For some reason, Ron was very agitated. He was waiting impatiently to tell Harry something. Hermione just rolled her eyes.  
  
"Oh fine! Go ahead Ron, you can tell Harry."  
  
Harry was really confused. Tell him what?  
  
"Guess what, Harry? When 'mione and I were sitting in the library, we found an interesting prophecy! Want to hear how it goes?  
  
Harry eagerly nodded.  
  
"'Kay, it goes like this:  
  
In times so dark there's a hidden mark Once more revealed by child and love Death will commence, doom is near Yet victory will be if blood helps blood"  
  
"What does it mean? Let me guess: The dark times is the return of Voldemort and the child is me. How am I doing?"  
  
Harry was a bit irritated. Hermione was astonished by Harry his insight.  
  
"You're right, Harry! But I don't understand the part of blood. . . . I'll have to think about it."  
  
"Ron, 'Moine, I'm a bit tired. "  
  
They got the clue and left Harry alone so he could sleep. But Harry wasn't tired, he was just terribly irritated because once again he was the Boy-Who- Lived, and not Harry. The prophecy proved that once again.  
  
The door of the infirmary opened again, this time showing Lupin as he entered. He looked a bit around until he had spotted Harry.  
  
"Hey Harry! How are you today?"  
  
"Hey Remus. I'm feeling better now. With a bit of luck 8'll be sleeping in my own bed tonight!"  
  
Remus smiled at Harry. He still didn't comprehend what was going on, but he was glad to see Harry in such a good shape. They talked for a while about little things. Then Lupin had to head back to class. Harry was glad to be once again alone. He had a lot on his mind, and wanted some time to think.  
  
  
  
Snape was sitting in the dungeons, in his potions classroom. He also had a lot on his mind. He knew he had to help Harry, but didn't know exactly how. He knew that he had to ask Harry why he felt the need to cut himself. He sighed.  
  
*No use letting my mind wonder if I can't find the answer.*  
  
He took some homework and started to grade them, but his mind kept wandering. Because he knew that, if he tried to help Harry, there would be no feelings of peace and serenity. Not until Harry stopped cutting himself.  
  
Please r/r!!!!!!!!  
  
Sorry this was so short, but I didn't really have inspirition. Next chapter will be longer, I promise!!! 


	15. Why

Disclaimer: Not mine  
  
*. . .* denotes thoughts  
  
I'm sorry that I'm updating a bit slower then I'm used to. I know what I want to write, but it's difficult for me. I can't always find the right words or form a sentence to my liking. I'll keep trying though, so don't fear! This story will be completed!!!!!  
  
And thanks for all the reviews, they really keep me going. So don't stop reviewing!!!  
  
Now, on with the story!!!!  
  
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Why?  
  
  
  
Harry was heading to the dungeons. He was just released from the infirmary with the information that professor Snape was expecting him. So he was heading to the dungeons, not paying mind to the other students who where giving him sympathetic looks. He didn't care anyway. Wherever he would go the people would stare at him. Or, the be exact, at his scar. He was used to it, but that didn't mean he liked it one bit. Because he hated it. He hated being the Boy-Who-Lived. He hated his scar, and he hated Voldemort. But at the moment there was nothing he could do.  
  
He found himself standing in front of Snape his office, but he was reluctant to enter. The choice was taken out of his hands when Snape opened the door, knowing that Harry stood there. Snape made a motion that said he could enter. So Harry did enter and decided to take a seat. Snape also chose a seat right in front of him. He regarded Harry with a piercing gaze, not really knowing how to start.  
  
"So Harry, how do you feel?"  
  
"I'm alright now."  
  
They both fell silent as they didn't exactly know what to say or how to start. The silence stretched itself over a couple of minutes. Snape decided to just be blunt and just ask the question.  
  
"Why do you cut yourself, Harry?"  
  
Harry fidgeted a bit. He knew that his father was going to ask him this question. But it wasn't easily answered.  
  
"It makes me feel. . .better."  
  
"What makes you feel so bad that you feel the need to cut yourself?"  
  
Harry looked pained. He didn't want to answer. He really didn't. He avoided his fathers gaze by looking around. He noticed that the office was very neat, although a bit dark. Yet the office was not as dark as the dungeons.  
  
"Harry, please answer my question!"  
  
Harry still avoided his gaze, but started talking.  
  
"It began with my aunt and uncle, I guess. They never treated me nicely. They never hit me, but they made it clear that I wasn't wanted. I had to do many chores and I got little food. Most of the time they just ignored me though. That was fine by me, 'cause then I could hide in my room, which was the cupboard, and read a bit. Then Hagrid came and told me about the wizarding world. I was really exited. He also told me about my parents and how they died. My uncle had told me they died in a car accident! Until then I didn't know anything about Voldemort. Can I have a glass of water?"  
  
Snape conjured up a glass of water which Harry took greedily. Snape knew that Harry was just stalling, but he waited patiently for him to continue.  
  
"So I became a part of the wizarding world. And from that day on I was the famous Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived. I came here to Hogwarts, I put on the hat and it wanted to put me in Slytherin. I really didn't want that because Draco didn't leave a good impression. So I insisted that the hat put me in Gryffindor."  
  
Harry stopped talking. He was just looking at the floor, admiring the stony look.  
  
"What does this have to do with the fact that you cut yourself, Harry?"  
  
Snape asked this as gentle as possible.  
  
"The Dursleys never loved me. They didn't care for me at all. Every wizard just regards me as the Boy-Who-Lived, but never the 'real' me. They don't let me be anything else then the famous Harry Potter. And if I was put in Slytherin, as was supposed to happen, then Cedric would have still been alive. You know, because of the house rivalry. The Gryffindors don't let me be myself either. They expect me to be perfect. Even Ron and Hermione, although I don't think they realise it. And when I'm thinking about those things I get this bad feeling. Whenever I cut myself, this feeling just seems to flow away for a while. I know it's not healthy, but it helps."  
  
Now he looked in Snapes eyes. Snape was shocked. He never knew Harry felt this way. And Harry now just seemed. . .lost. Snape reluctantly gave Harry a hug.  
  
"This has to stop, Harry! You must try to be yourself, even if your friends get shocked by it. And whenever you feel the urge to cut yourself again, come to me. We'll try to find a. . . healthier thing for you to do."  
  
Harry stood up with a small smile on his face. He was going to the door when he heard his father whisper one last thing.  
  
"You can always come talk to me, or even just sit here when things become unbearable."  
  
Then, even more silent than before:  
  
"I love you, my son."  
  
Harry just gave his father a smile and headed back to the dormitory.  
  
  
  
How did you like this chapter? Please r/r!!!!! 


	16. To be a friend or not to be a friend

Another chapter done!  
  
Disclaimer: Characters don't belong to me.  
  
*. . .* denotes thoughts  
  
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To be a friend or not to be a friend?  
  
  
  
Hermione and Ron were the only ones to sit in the common room because of the late hour. They were talking to each other about Harry. They both thought that he acted strange and also wondered why he had been in the infirmary. But Harry wouldn't tell them, and they really wanted to know. So they did what they could do best: research. Or in this case, find clues like only the best detectives can.  
  
"Ron, did you notice that Harry looks different?"  
  
"Yeah, it's a bit freaky!"  
  
"Have you also noticed that he is starting to look like someone we know?"  
  
Ron looked confused. Harry started to look like someone he knew? He hadn't the faintest idea.  
  
"I don't know, 'Mione."  
  
"Think Ron, when Harry is. . .irritated, who does he resemble?"  
  
Ron thought hard. Harry had scowled at him once. He had been taken aback because he had really looked like. . . . His eyes widened. It could not be!  
  
"You don't mean. . .Snape? ? ?"  
  
"Yes Ron, I mean Snape."  
  
Ron became angry. Very angry. And also unreasonable. Why would Harry have kept this from him? True friends have no secret for each others!  
  
"How could he not tell me! How could he not tell us! We're his best friends! Or so I thought!"  
  
Hermione tried to calm Ron, but her actions proved fruitless. Just at that moment Harry entered the common room. He saw Ron and involuntarily flinched from the anger he was radiating.  
  
"Ron, what. . ."  
  
But Harry could not finish his question. Ron just exploded. "How dare you not tell us, Harry? We're best friends and you never told us! Why were you in the infirmary? Why didn't you tell us Snape is your father? !"  
  
For a moment Harry stood there utterly speechless. He tried to find the words to explain the situation to Ron, but Ron wasn't finished. Hermione just sat there looking at Ron, and throwing occasionally looks at Harry that said how sorry she was. Ron continued not noticing this.  
  
"You're a bloody Snape and we didn't know it! How could I ever trust you! You're nothing then a. . . "  
  
"That's enough Ron"  
  
Harry had become furious at his friend who was doing him great injustice.  
  
"I'm allowed to have secrets! Everybody has them! That includes you! You remember my detention with Snape? It was only then that I found out. And I wasn't overjoyed, I can tell you! As for me being in the infirmary, that's non of your business!"  
  
With those words, he left Ron and Hermione behind with their thoughts. He immediately decided to go back to his father, because the urge to cut himself was once again becoming stronger.  
  
His father was no longer in his office, nor in his classroom, so he went to his private quarters. He knocked and walked in, missing the troubled look on his fathers face. Harry chose a chair and sat down. Tears were forming in his eyes, his anger already gone.  
  
"Harry, what happened?"  
  
"Ron found out. He was really mad at me. I thought he was my friend! I thought I could trust him! Hermione doesn't seem to care that I'm your son. I came here because. . ."  
  
Harry hesitated. It was not a easy thing to admit, even if his father knew about it. But Snape seemed to understand. Harry could no longer hold back his tears and cried his heart out. Snape did the only thing he knew to do. He placed Harry in his arms until he fell asleep.  
  
  
  
Please r/r! 


	17. Targeted

Disclaimer: Not mine  
  
*. . .* denotes thoughts  
  
Sorry it took so long! I had a lot of homework and I'm ill. And I don't like being ill!!!!!!!  
  
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Targeted  
  
Harry had potions in a few minutes. He really didn't look forward to it. Not because of his father, but because of Ron. He still didn't understand why Ron blew up like that. It's not like he knew it all along! He found out himself. Not to mention that he himself also was quite shocked! He arrived at the classroom and saw Ron and Hermione sitting in the front. Ron was glaring at him.  
  
*No surprise here! Ron always had a hot temper, and this time I'm at the receiving end! Damn that bloody. . .! Why can't he understand?*  
  
Hermione had an apologetic look on her face. Poor Hermione. Harry knew that this would be hard on Hermione. But he would not think about that now. He decided to take a seat in the back of the class. Soon professor started the lesson.  
  
"Mister Weasly! The potion is supposed to be red, not green! Detention, tomorrow at eight!"  
  
Ron scowled at Snape, but was smart enough not to say anything.  
  
"Mister Potter!"  
  
Harry looked up. He saw Snape standing over his cauldron, adding an ingredient that should not be in the potion. Harry nodded slightly. He understood what his father was doing.  
  
"Your potion is also wrong! Detention tonight at seven!"  
  
"Yes, professor!"  
  
Harry saw that Ron was surprised. Harry didn't mind.  
  
*Let him be surprised! *  
  
Next they had charms. Professor Flitwick thought them a charm to disguise themselves and a charm to look through a disguise. After the lesson Hermione rushed over to Harry.  
  
"Harry! I need to talk to you!"  
  
"What about, 'Mione?"  
  
"I tried the spell to look through disguises, and Harry, you're disguised! You look a lot different without the disguise! Perhaps you should take it of. Perhaps you could mention it in your detention tonight?"  
  
With that being said, Hermione ran of. Harry thought about it. She did have a point.  
  
The other lessons were boring, and Harry couldn't wait to see his father. Finally it was time to go to the detention. When he arrived there, he saw that his father was already seated and that he had poured tea for Harry.  
  
"Why don't you sit down, Harry? I already poured some tea for you."  
  
"Father, I'd like to talk to you about something Hermione told me."  
  
Snape looked interested. He motioned for Harry to continue.  
  
"She told me that I look a lot different without my disguise. Perhaps we could take it off?"  
  
Harry really hoped that his father would allow that. But he also kept in mind that it might be too dangerous. His father was in deep thoughts. Finally he answered.  
  
"You know, Harry, that might not be a bad idea. It would be a good solution for my problem."  
  
"What problem?" Harry asked, slightly alarmed.  
  
"Voldemort is targeting you, Harry. He mentioned a plan to get rid of you while you would be here, in Hogwarts. But if 'Harry Potter' disappeared mysteriously, then he would no longer be able to target you. You do realise, of course, that you would have to take a new name and be sorted again?"  
  
Harry told his father he understood. Together they started planning what they would do and how exactly. But first they had to go to Dumbledore to explain their plan!  
  
  
  
Help!!!!!! I need a name for Harry! He can't stay 'Harry' Snape! If you think of a suitable name, then tell me!!!!!! Pretty please?????????  
  
Please r/r! 


	18. What's in a name?

I'm sorry that I didn't add a chapter sooner! But I've got exams right now, so I have very little time to write! I hope you understand. . .  
  
*grin*  
  
Oooooooh! So many reviews! I'm addicted to reviews! And you give so many! Love them, love them, love them love them!  
  
Disclaimer: not mine  
  
*. . .* denotes thoughts  
  
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What's in a name?  
  
  
  
Snape and Harry were both seated in Dumbledores office. They had just explained their plan. Dumbledore appeared in deep thought. Then he looked up with his usual twinkle in his eye. But Harry thought they were twinkling even harder than normally. Snape groaned silently.  
  
*Albus is up to something! Does he never grow tired of torturing me with his schemes? !*  
  
"Harry, I think that it would indeed be prudent to 'disappear' all of the sudden. And, of course, to get acquainted with Snape junior. Have you already thought of a name?"  
  
Harry and Snape looked at each other. They had thought about it, but hadn't come up with a suitable name they both liked. Snape liked the name Sadiron and Henry, bur harry loathed those names. He wanted to be a 'Marcus' or a 'Justus'. His father wouldn't go for it. Dumbledore could barely hide a smile as he called for their attention.  
  
"Might I suggest a name? I think that you will both find to like it."  
  
"Well Albus, then why don't you tell us!"  
  
Harry just nodded his head eagerly. He was curious as how Dumbledore wanted to call him.  
  
"How about Alexander Septimius Snape!"  
  
Harry wanted to feel the name on his tongue, so he tried it very softly.  
  
"I like it. And Alexander can be shortened, so I could be called Xander! What do you think, father?"  
  
"It's a good name. Keep it."  
  
Harry smiled, being pleased with himself. He couldn't wait to tell Hermione and Ron! Ron. . . he forgot for a moment that he and Ron were not on the best terms. But suddenly a wide grin was plastered on his face. He wouldn't tell them, they would just hear the announced and get the shock of their lives.  
  
Harry left a while after that. Snape and Dumbledore would make the necessary documents, and also a cover story for Voldemort. Harry paid no attention to where he was going, so he didn't realise that he had gone to the quidditch field. And he certainly didn't realise that Ron was there to, until. . .  
  
"Look who is here! If it isn't the liar! "  
  
Harry gave Ron a piercing look, but didn't say anything. He still couldn't believe that Ron would act like this! He almost seemed like. . .  
  
"Oh, why don't you bloody stop acting like Malfoy, Ron!"  
  
Bad idea. Real bad idea. Ron started to blush. He seemed at lost for words.  
  
"I'm not. . . I don't. . .I don't act like Malfoy! How dare you say such a thing!"  
  
"Yeah? You could have fooled me! You just judge me and keep saying that I'm a liar. And why? Because I surprised you. Or is it because Snape is my father?"  
  
Harry was seething with anger.  
  
"I'm going to say this only once, Ron. Snape. Is. My. Father! Get over it!"  
  
"You could have told us!"  
  
"And then you could have reacted just the same. By becoming angry with me! Don't you think that I was shocked when I found out? And I don't have to tell you everything Ron. There are things that I haven't told you or Hermione or even my Father! And there are also things that you haven't told me! And you know what? It's perfectly normal!"  
  
Harry felt drained after saying this. He cast a look at Ron, but he seemed not to have heard, so he turned around to leave.  
  
"Harry, wait!"  
  
Harry sighed and stopped walking, but he didn't turn around.  
  
"You're right. I've acted like a stupid git. Again. I don't care if you're a Snape. After all, what's in a name? Friends again?"  
  
Harry turned around and just smiled at Ron. They both went to the common room to tell Hermione that they were speaking to each other again.  
  
  
  
Please r/r!!!!!!! 


	19. Being the real me

Disclaimer: not mine  
  
*. . .* denotes thoughts  
  
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Being the real me  
  
Harry was feeling very nervous. He was sitting in Dumbledores' office, as were his father and Dumbledore of course. Today it would happen. Today, the charm that made Harry look like James Potter, would be removed. Today he was to be resorted again, but this time under the name of Alexander Septimius Snape. Or in short, Xander. He would no longer be Harry Potter.  
  
He hadn't told his friends what would happen, he had just warned them that they would be in for a surprise. Harry just hoped that they would still be able to accept him when he looked different and had a new name.  
  
Dumbledore cleared hit throat.  
  
"Are you ready, Harry?"  
  
Harry just nodded. He was to nervous and anxious to speak. He really wanted to know how he really looked. Part of him was still angry that the charm was placed on him. Nobody had the right to do that. Not even his mother. But it had been done.  
  
Dumbledore waved his wand as he muttered complicated spells to reveal his true self. After a moment Harry felt himself tingle. Just a little bit, but very noticeable. He looked at his father with a question in his eyes. Had it worked?  
  
Snape gasped. The spell had worked. Harry no longer looked like James Potter. He really looked like a Snape. His sons' hair fell now on his shoulders. It was black, the blackest of black and yet it held a tint of red. He still had his green emerald eyes, and thank Merlin, his mothers' nose. He now had a bit paler complexion, just like his father. He transfigured a lemon drop into a mirror so that Harry could take a look at himself.  
  
Harry looked into the mirror and was nearly taken back by surprise. He really did look like a Snape. Suddenly he broke in a wide grin.  
  
"So this is how I really look? I like it!"  
  
His father smiled at this statement.  
  
"I believe it is time for Harry to disappear and for Xander Snape to be sorted. Shall we be going?"  
  
Snape nodded.  
  
"You're right Albus. Let us go." Together they went to the great hall, where the students were now having breakfast. Snape went to his seat after giving Harry, or now Xander, an encouraging nod. Then Dumbledore spoke.  
  
"Students, I like you to meet a new student who shall be attending Hogwarts. This is Alexander Septimius Snape, and he shall now be sorted. He is also a fifth year. Be nice to him so he may feel right at home here."  
  
He motioned for Xander ( I shall now always call Harry Xander) to teak a seat. Xander reluctantly took it. The hat was placed on his head.  
  
*Ah, Alexander Snape, formerly known as Harry Potter! I see. . .I see. . . Still a bright mind, you have. But also cunning. And you're ambitious. Why not try. . .  
  
SLYTHERIN!*  
  
Xander was stunned. He knew he would be sorted again, but he had thought that he would be sorted in Griffyndor again. He slowly stood up and walked to the Slytherin table, looking at Hermione and Ron at the same time.  
  
Hermione and Ron were. . .well, shocked. They realised by now that Alexander was Harry. But shouldn't he be sorted in Griffyndor? They watched harry going to the Slytherin table, but not before he threw an apologetic look into their direction. They managed a weak smile back, telling him that it would alright. Then Dumbledore spoke once again.  
  
"I would also like to tell you that Harry is no longer attending Hogwarts. He went into hiding as a safety precaution. I regret to tell you this, but he will not be back until Voldemort has been defeated. Enjoy your breakfast."  
  
Every single person was now muttering in the hall. The Slytherins because they were glad that Potter was gone, the other houses wanted to know where he was. Yet Xander did not speak.  
  
"So you're a Snape? Son of professor Snape?"  
  
Xander looked into the eyes of Draco Malfoy. He would have to deal with him now.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"So how come we've never heard of you before?"  
  
"I was raised by my aunt in America. Who the hell are you?"  
  
Xander didn't like to be interrogated. So who decided not to be nice to Draco. He couldn't stand him anyway. Draco looked a bit taken aback, but he recovered quickly.  
  
"My name is Draco Malfoy."  
  
"Well, Draco, It's /so/ nice to meet you, but I have to go."  
  
Xander left before Draco could say something back. Out of the corners of his eyes he saw Hermione and Ron following him. He waited in the hallway for them to catch up. Soon they were together.  
  
"Ha. . .Alexander. . ."  
  
"Call me Xander, Hermione."  
  
"How come you were sorted in Slytherin?"  
  
Hermione looked at him. So was Ron.  
  
*At least they're not angry about not telling them about this!*  
  
"You know, the hat wanted to sort me in Slytherin too in the first year, but I asked to be in Griffyndor. I guess that this time it wanted me in Slytherin."  
  
Ron didn't look to happy about this.  
  
"So you'll be Xander Snape from now on? And playing for the Slytherins?"  
  
Xander looked at Ron with a bit of regret in his eyes.  
  
"Yes Ron, but think of it this way. Now you don't have to stand in Harry Potters' shadow, and I'll get a chances to being the real me, instead the Boy-Who-Lived. And we'll we'll be friends, I hope."  
  
"Of course! Now that Harry is gone, we have a place vacant for someone else. You can try to fill it in, if you want."  
  
They just grinned at each other. Hermione rolled her eyes. Just then Draco walked in the hallway, spotting the three of them.  
  
"Can I have a word with you, Snape?"  
  
Xander just looked at Draco at first, but then nodded and went to where Draco stood.  
  
"What do you want, Malfoy?"  
  
"Just a word of warning. You will find that. . . not everybody will be pleased if you go make friends with Griffyndors?"  
  
"You're telling me that you don't approve? I don't care what the others will think of me. I and I alone will choose whom I befriend."  
  
Draco sneered.  
  
"I'm just warning you Snape! Just watch you're back!"  
  
Xander turned around, not wanting to talk to Draco anymore. Draco just whispered one last thing before leaving himself.  
  
"Contrary to popular believe, I don't want you to get harmed by my fellow housemates."  
  
Xander thought about this. Who would have thought, Draco really cared! Xander went to the dungeons with Hermione and Ron, because it was time for Potions lessons.  
  
  
  
This is the longest chapter I've written up 'till now. How do you like it? Please r/r! 


	20. Antidote to hate

I'm sorry this chapter is so late, but my computer broke down. I really have no luck with computers! Another reason is that I had some problems on how to continue this chapter. But here it is now, so enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine  
  
*. . .* denotes thoughts  
  
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Antidote for hate  
  
Xander, Hermione and Ron had just entered the potions class. They had decided that Xander would sit with someone of his own house. It would, after all, be suspicious if he immediately went to sit with some Gryffindors, and especially those Gryffindors that were friends with Harry Potter. He couldn't take the risk to be connected with Harry Potter. No one was to know that he, Xander Snape, was formerly Harry Potter. He looked into the class and saw that the only free place left was next to Draco. Xander was dismayed for a moment, but then remembered what Draco had told him. Or better said, who Draco had tried to warn him for. He went over to Draco.  
  
"Can I sit here?"  
  
Draco looked up, startled by the sudden voice that pulled him out of his thoughts. He was even more surprised when he saw Xander standing right next to him. He had thought that Xander disliked him. Could he be wrong? Then he looked around the class and saw that the chair next to him was the only one that wasn't claimed. Draco smirked in himself. Of course Xander couldn't stand him. He was foolish to hope otherwise.  
  
"Yeah, why not. There aren't any other empty chairs left."  
  
Xander looked at Draco strangely before he sat dawn. Had he heard a bit of . . . bitterness in his voice? And if so, why would he be bitter? His thoughts were abruptly stopped when the teacher had finally arrived.  
  
"You shall be making an antidote today. It shall be tested by the end of the lesson by someone I choose."  
  
They were paired up, Xander being paired up with Draco. Big surprise, isn't it? They started working on the potion, silently agreeing that Xander would cut the ingredient and Draco would mix them in the right order. But they didn't say a word to each other. It's not that Xander didn't want to say to Draco, because as a matter of fact, he had many questions he wanted to ask Draco, but he dared not to. They would be overheard here. So he quickly wrote a short note asking Draco to meet him privately and slipped it to him. Draco read it and nodded ever so slightly. They soon finished their potion, as everyone else in the classroom. Even Neville managed to get a decent potion.  
  
"Mister Longbottom, Mister Weasley, you shall be trying the antidote!"  
  
Snape was smirking. Both the boys gulped a bit before they went to stand next to professor Snape. Snape gave them the poison and the boys took the antidote they brewed soon after that. The antidotes seemed to be working properly, until. . . .  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
Ron screamed and screamed. No one had ever heard such a pain filled scream before. It seemed to bounce of the wall and echo through the whole castle. Ron kept screaming as he fell on his knees, his hands pressing his head as to keep the pain under control.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SWEET MERLIN, MAKE IT STOP! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
Some of the girls fainted, but Ron knew no such bliss. The pain seemed to last forever, and he prayed he could feel the cool bliss of oblivion. He even prayed he would die right there and then. Anything to make the pain stop.  
  
It seemed like forever, but in reality it lasted no more than a few seconds. As soon as Snape had heard Ron scream, he had jumped up, taken a correctly made antidote and poured it in Ron's mouth. The antidote didn't seem to help, but after a while, Ron relaxed a bit.  
  
"Miss Granger, escort Mister Weasley to the infirmary. I will not take any points of for badly brewed antidote. I believe the consequences were painful enough."  
  
Hermione helped Ron up and they headed to the infirmary.  
  
The lesson ended after that unfortunate event. Draco and Xander went outside to the quidditch field. No one was there at the moment, and it would be harder to be overheard there.  
  
"What do you want from me, Snape?"  
  
"I want to ask you some questions. And the name is Xander."  
  
"What makes you think I'll answer them?"  
  
Draco watched Xander out of the corners of his eyes, a sneer plastered on his face. He really didn't understand Xander, nor his motives and it unsettled him.  
  
"Because of your warning yesterday."  
  
Xander now watched Draco, trying to see how he would react to that. Draco stiffened a bit, but still held a sneer on his face.  
  
"I didn't warn you last night. You must be delusional."  
  
"I'm not. I heard you whispering."  
  
Draco tensed some more. Xander had to know why Draco had warned him.  
  
"Why did you warn me Draco?"  
  
Draco sighted. He had this feeling that he wouldn't be able to lie to Xander. But telling the truth might be dangerous. He didn't know what side Alexander Snape was on. One wrong word could cost him everything. It was foolish enough of him to try and warn him when he was hanging out with those Gryffindors. He looked Xander in the eyes. He saw nothing but curiosity there. Perhaps he could trust Xander? Should he take the risk?  
  
"What side are you on?"  
  
Xander didn't know what to say, didn't know what Draco exactly meant.  
  
"Are you on the light side or the dark side?"  
  
"I am definitely on the light side."  
  
Draco looked Xander once more in the eyes, but could not see any deceit on them. Only honesty. Draco had decided. He would trust Xander. Merlin knew he needed someone he could trust, someone to watch his back for him.  
  
"I warned you because I wouldn't want you to see bloodied up. I am not in league with the Dark Lord, as I led many to believe. But openly admit I'm on the light side would result in me getting hurt. Now I have one question for you. Is your father a spy or is he really a supporter of the Dark Lord?"  
  
"You have nothing to worry, if that is what you're asking. But I won't say it out loud.'  
  
Draco looked immensely relieved. He had made a gamble, and he had won. He smiled at Xander, who smiled back, but they sobered up again real quick.  
  
"No one must know this, Xander. Not about me being on the light side. And if you're smart, you'll pretend to be a follower of the Dark Lord too!"  
  
Xander didn't look too happy, but he nodded.  
  
"You're right. But I won't abandon my friends, even if they are Gryffindors. I'll just say I'm using them."  
  
Reaching this understanding, they went inside to do their homework together. Neither one did realise that they had formed an immediate and strong friendship.  
  
Please r/r! 


	21. Bleeding the tears

Disclaimer: Not mine  
  
*. . .* denotes thoughts  
  
Yes, here is a new chapter. I know that I'm not updating regularly, but I'm very busy with school and all. And I didn't really know how to continue this chapter. I've got the main plot in my head, but working that plot out. . . Not easy.  
  
So I just write what comes to my mind, and I hope you like it. Make sure to let me know!  
  
Warning: some not so pretty language here. Also some heavy emotions.  
  
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Bleeding the tears  
  
  
  
After Xander had done his homework, he went to visit Ron in the infirmary. He also found Hermione there, lecturing about the necessary precision of potion brewing. They hadn't noticed Xander.  
  
"You have to be very careful when you are brewing a potion Ron! You were too distracted, I saw so myself! Why were you so distracted?"  
  
"Didn't you notice that Xander took a seat next to Malfoy?"  
  
"I noticed Ron. But I, unlike you, did also notice that it was the only seat left!"  
  
"Yeah, sure. If you are so smart, Hermione, then why don't you tell me why he slipped a piece of paper to Malfoy!"  
  
"There could be lots of reasons. Don't jump to conclusions, Ron!"  
  
Hermione seemed irritated. Ron always jumped to conclusions, and never allowed anyone to explain themselves.  
  
"I'm not jumping to conclusions, 'Mione! First he lands into the infirmary and he won't tell us how it happened. Then he finds out that Snape. . . you know. And now he's fraternizing with the enemy!"  
  
Hermione looked helpless. She couldn't explain to Ron why Xander would do such a thing. She didn't understand herself. But she trusted Xander. They were friends. Xander wouldn't betray them, right?  
  
Xander felt a mix of emotions. Anger, sadness, disappointment. He walked closer and Ron noticed him. He said nothing for moment, but anger was clear on his face. Anger that was directed to him.  
  
"Traitor!"  
  
One single word. One word that hurt like no other had. Xander felt mortally wounded. It stung like a needle a thousand times over.  
  
Ron wasn't finished yet.  
  
"You filthy, no good traitor! I can't believe I ever considered you a friend! You just keep secrets and now you're up to something with that dung eating Malfoy! I never want to talk to you again, you son of a bitch!"  
  
Hermione didn't look at Xander. She just kept looking at the ground, wishing that this wasn't happening. Not again. Not with her caught in the middle. She was always trying to help, always trying to do good. Always being the negotiator. But this time, she said nothing to salvage the situation. In reality, there was nothing she could have said to salvage the situation. Ron his temper wouldn't allow it. And Xander. . . She didn't know how Xander would react. Finally she looked up, only to find that Xander was gone. She stood up and left with Ron calling after her. She didn't answer, she didn't say anything. She just wanted to be alone for a moment.  
  
  
  
  
  
Xander was heartbroken. He was mortally wounded. His soul bled the tears he couldn't cry. He did it again. Ron accused him again without knowing what was going on. He had insulted him and worse. Xander couldn't stay in the same room as Ron. He couldn't talk to him, he couldn't rage at him. All he could do was stay silent and leave.  
  
  
  
Xander was heartbroken.  
  
  
  
He had trusted Ron with all he had. There were just things you couldn't tell him because of his hot temper. But beside that, he was the most trustworthy person you could ever have.  
  
  
  
Xander was mortally wounded.  
  
  
  
He was dazed. He couldn't believe that Ron had called him a traitor. Had he so little faith in him? Was he really a traitor? He wasn't, was he? He just got to know Draco from another side. And he wasn't that bad. He even was on the good side. He considered him a friend.  
  
  
  
His soul bled the tears he couldn't cry.  
  
  
  
Xander had arrived in his chamber. He was hurting. Merlin, he was hurting. He just wanted the pain to end. He still couldn't believe it. Ron had called him a traitor, but it was him who felt so betrayed. . . .  
  
  
  
Hermione was sitting in the library, reading some 'light' material. But her mind was not into the books. She kept thinking about Ron and Xander. Ron had a point, but he shouldn't have insulted Xander like that. But Xander had secrets. He had told them that he had secrets he wasn't ready to tell about. So Ron wasn't exactly right, right? It was so difficult! If only Ron hadn't such a hot temper. If only Xander didn't have secrets. If only. . . She turned her mind back at the book and tried to read.  
  
  
  
Xander wanted to cry. He needed an outlet for his emotions. He wanted to yell and rage and throw with things until they were broken, but he just couldn't. He knew only one way. But he had promised his father to go to him if he felt like cutting himself. But he had a staff meeting right now. He couldn't possibly bother him now. He reached for the knife he had hidden in his trunk and held it into his hand. The weight was so familiar and comforting. He slowly cut his arm. And again. And again. . .  
  
  
  
Draco had been training quidditch on the field and now he was tired. Happy and tired. He decided to say Xander goodnight before he turned in. He walked the stairs to Xander his room and opened the door. The sight that greeted him stunned him. Xander was cutting his own arm. And he already had scars there. Why was he cutting his own arm?  
  
"Xander, stop cutting yourself!"  
  
Xander looked at him, eyes lacking emotion. He kept cutting his arm, no longer paying attention to Draco. Draco ran to him and grabbed the knife.  
  
"Why Xander? How long. . . ?"  
  
Draco performed a healing spell on Xander his arm. He motioned for Xander to sit down. He lifted up Xander his chin so he could look into his eyes. Draco saw infinite sadness in them.  
  
"Why?"  
  
Xander just sighed.  
  
"I don't want to talk about it."  
  
"Tell me!"  
  
Draco didn't mean to yell. He just wanted to know why.  
  
"It's Ron. He is angry with me. He called me a traitor because he saw me passing that note to you. As for why?"  
  
Harry sighed again.  
  
"I know I shouldn't cut myself. And in case you wonder, father knows. He told me to go to him if I felt like cutting myself. But it isn't that easy, you know."  
  
"You still haven't told me why."  
  
"Because it helps. It helps to release my emotions. To dim my pain. I'm. . . bleeding tears instead of crying them. Because I can't cry, Draco. I just can't. What is wrong with me?"  
  
Draco was unsure of himself. He never comforted anyone before. His father would have beaten the crap out of him if he had. But He had to try, Xander was his friend. His only real friend.  
  
"Nothing's wrong with you. Trust me on that Xander."  
  
"You wouldn't say that if you would really know me! I'm not who you think I am, so why don't you leave me alone!"  
  
Draco's eyes went cold and his whole manner radiated anger.  
  
"I. Am. Not. Leaving. You hear me? You are my friend, even if you have secrets. Even if I don't really know you. And you know why? Because I trust you. I trust you with my live. If you don't like it, tough luck!"  
  
Xander looked at Draco. He saw that Draco really meant it. He felt tears gathering in his eyes. For the first time in a long while he cried, even if it were only a few tears.  
  
  
  
Review please!!!!! 


	22. In times so dark

I'm sorry this chapter is so late. I'm a bad, bad girl!! But I'll try to make this chapter extra long, 'kay?  
  
Disclaimer: What you recognise is not mine. Too bad (.  
  
*. . .* denotes thoughts  
  
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In times so dark. . .  
  
Draco looked at Xander, who was sleeping quite contentedly. Draco didn't really want to leave Xander alone. Not now, not when he had just cut himself in the arms. Besides, he couldn't sleep. He was thinking about what Xander said. That he wasn't who Draco thought he was. It kept nagging him. That and Xander's' green eyes. He knew those eyes. But he couldn't remember where he had seen them before. He sighed. He wasn't going to remember soon, so he would just try and get some sleep. The last thing he thought before sleep claimed him, was that he had to tell professor Snape what happened.  
Draco woke up, and found that Xander was still asleep.  
  
* He must have been emotionally exhausted. Let him sleep. It's Saturday after all, no need to wake for classes. I'm going to professor Snape and tell him what happened.*  
  
Draco dressed himself and went to the great hall, where breakfast was served. He was one of the few who were already awake. He saw Ron and Hermione sitting at their table, looking at him. He gave Ron a fierce scowl before sitting down himself. He quickly finished his breakfast and went to see Snape, but Hermione had followed him out of the great hall.  
  
"Malfoy!"  
  
Draco turned around and scowled at her.  
  
"What do you want, mudblood?"  
  
Hermione felt her anger rise, but she violently pushed it down. Now was not the time to get angry.  
  
"Have you seen Xander last night?"  
  
"As a matter of fact, yes, I've seen him."  
  
"Is he alright? I mean . . ." Hermione looked down at her shoes. She felt bad for what Ron did to Xander. She should have said something, instead of keeping silent. But words had deserted her that moment. She then looked Draco in the eyes.  
  
Draco saw how she first avoided looking at him. But then she looked him in the eyes. He saw pain and sadness in them. Perhaps that he could humour her this time. This ONE time.  
  
"He was pretty upset by Ron, but he'll live. Now, IF you don't mind, I've got places to be and things to do."  
  
Draco turned on his heels and walked in the direction of the dungeons. He was standing in front of Professor Snapes' quarters when doubt began to plague his mind. Suddenly he wasn't sure if he should be telling Snape what happened to his son yesterday. Xander hadn't really told him not tell his father, but then again, he was a bit. . . upset.  
  
Draco stood there, thinking what to do, when the choice was taken out of his hands. The door opened, and there stood the feared professor Snape. Snape glared at Draco, who was to surprised to make a coherent sound.  
  
"Is there something you needed me for, Mister Malfoy?"  
  
Draco nodded when he found that words still abandoned him.  
  
"Then do come in. Or are you waiting for something to happen?"  
  
Snape had raised an eyebrow, his cold eyes piercing into the eyes of Draco. Draco hastily entered the room, before another comment was made. Snape closed the door, and all of a sudden Draco felt trapped.  
Hermione had gone back to the great hall after she had spoken to Malfoy. Her thoughts were swirling around in her head.  
  
*Xander was feeling hurt. That shouldn't astonish me. After all, Ron WAS terribly rude. And that so close after their last fight. I've got to find Xander. I have to tell him that I don't feel the same way as Ron does. . . Draco was nice enough to tell me Xander was fine. Draco was looking good today. . . Ugh! No, no Hermione! You didn't think that about Malfoy! I am NOT going to develop a CRUSH on him!*  
  
She abruptly turned her attention back to the food in front of her and began to eat once again.  
Draco felt utterly and completely trapped. He didn't like feeling trapped. He actually hated to feel trapped. No good things come from being trapped. And he really was having second thoughts about telling Snape. Draco silently cursed himself for his stupidity. For his lack of common sense. He only had Xander's' vague word that Snape could be trusted.  
  
"Well, mister Malfoy. What do you need me for?" Asked Snape coolly.  
  
"It's about Xander. He was. . . quite upset yesterday. I found him in his room when he was. . ."  
  
Snape regarded Malfoy coolly. So he knew, obviously. But why hadn't Xander come to him?  
  
"Cutting himself?"  
  
Malfoy looked uncomfortable.  
  
"Yes, professor. I thought you should know."  
  
"You're quite right. What happened?"  
  
"From what I know, Ron called him a traitor. But why would he call Xander a traitor? He is a Slytherin, not a Gryffindor! Anyway, he didn't want to disturb your meeting, or so he told me. I stopped him and healed his. . .wounds."  
  
Snape thought long and deep. He couldn't keep an eye on Xander every minute of the day. He needed someone who could watch over Xander where he could not. Perhaps young Malfoy. . .? Snape suddenly stood before Draco, holding his arms, their faces merely inches apart.  
  
"Tell me, mister Malfoy. Who are you loyal to?"  
  
Draco swallowed. Could he really trust Snape? Should he tell him? Perhaps he could help him if he was loyal to Dumbledore.  
  
"I'm not a follower of the Dark Lord." He whispered.  
  
Snape saw the uncertainty and the fear in his eyes. He realised that Draco could have lost everything with that statement. He still could lose everything. One word to Lucius Malfoy, and his life wouldn't be certain anymore.  
  
"Then you would be overjoyed to know that I'm a spy for Dumbledore. I do not have to tell you to be careful, do I?"  
  
Draco nodded, his face set in a serious manner.  
  
"I would like to ask you to look after Xander, for reasons you know. But I also want you to protect him from the Dark Lord."  
  
Draco nodded again. Snape smiled cruelly to himself. He was going to shock Draco, and, if he must, obliviate him.  
  
"There is one thing you don't know about Xander. Xander is. . . Harry Potter."  
  
Draco's eye grew bigger in amazement. Then it suddenly clicked in his mind. He HAD seen those green eyes before 'cause they belonged to Harry. It all made sense now, and yet, it didn't. Didn't Harry loath him? But Xander liked him! Was he really the son of Snape? He looked at Snape, who had read the question in his eyes.  
  
"Yes, he's my son."  
  
Well, that was one question answered. But why did Xander suddenly like him? Seemingly out of the blue? But then again, it wasn't out of the blue. Had he not asked him what side he was on? That must've been it. Xander must've realised he wasn't the spoiled brat everyone took him for.  
  
"I'll try to keep him save, professor."  
  
Hearing this, the professor let out a tiny smile.  
  
"Uhm, professor?"  
  
Snape returned his attention to Draco.  
  
"I've stumbled across a prophecy, and I think it's about Xander."  
  
"Let us hear it!"  
  
"Okay, it goes like this:  
  
In times so dark there's a hidden mark  
  
Once more revealed by child and love  
  
Death will commence, doom is near  
  
Yet victory will be if blood helps blood  
  
That's all if I remember it correctly."  
  
"Yes, thank you mister Malfoy. I think you should return to your dormitory. We will speak again later."  
  
Draco nodded and left. Snape was thinking about the prophecy and what it could possibly mean. . .  
Wanna guess? Please review!!!! 


	23. A penny for your thoughts

I'm sooooooooooo sorry this took such a long time! Better get used to it, though, because I'm busy, busy, and busy! But here it is, the long awaited chapter 23!  
  
Disclaimer: You recognise them, then they ain't mine. Too bad.  
  
* . . . * denotes thoughts  
  
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A penny for your thoughts  
  
Draco was going back to the dormitory in a very slow pace. Xander Snape was Harry Potter? His friend was his supposed enemy? He just didn't understand. He'd just have to confront Ha. . . Xander. And try not to make any slips. Oh, and he'd have to tell Xander that Hermione was worried about him. Thinking of Hermione, isn't she becoming more and more attractive? He shook his head, willing that last thread of thought out of his head. Deal with one thing at the time. And Xander is more important right now!  
  
Draco looked up and saw he had arrived at his dormitory. He also saw that Xander was awake.  
  
"You and I are going to have a nice little talk right now."  
  
Xander looked at Draco with of fear in his eyes, but the fear was squashed almost immediately. Draco hadn't meant to sound so angry, so. . . cold, so calculating. He quickly put a spell around his room so no one would hear them.  
  
"You are not who you seem to be, are you..Harry?"  
  
Xander's eyes became big.  
  
*How did he find out? What will he do? Will he expose me? Is he angry with me?*  
  
"How did you find out, Draco?"  
  
"I visited your father. I told him what happened last night."  
  
Harry closed his eyes. He didn't want his father to know what happened. Why did Draco had to tell him? ! Anger was beginning to cloud his mind.  
  
Draco looked at Xander, his face a cold mask where not a single trace of emotion could be found. He noticed a sudden change in Xander when he had told him he had told his father about him cutting himself. Was he angry at him for telling?  
  
"How dare you, Malfoy!"  
  
"Easy, really. Are we starting again with the last names? Should I then call you Snape are Potter?  
  
"You had no right!"  
  
"I had every right."  
  
Xander's anger reached a peak.  
  
"You had absolutely no right! How dare you even assume you had the right! How dare."  
  
Too bad Draco was getting angry too.  
  
"I had every right, being your friend. Being worried about your health. Being worried about you!"  
  
"I know."  
  
That surprised Draco. Xander giving in so easily? It almost seems surreal.  
  
"How come you're my friend now, Xander? You loath me."  
  
"Loathed you. Big difference, you know. I just decided that I didn't really know you. I wanted to meet the real you. Not the act. And the real you isn't too bad. Of course you're still the amazing bouncing ferret!"  
  
Xander smirked. That was just a memory too good to ever forget.  
  
"Ha-ha, real funny."  
  
"It really was."  
  
Draco just smiled. And it was a pretty smile too.  
  
"Don't worry about Snape. I explained things to him, he understood. Oh, and he asked me to look after you when he can't. I'm most happy to oblige."  
  
Xander merely grumbled under his breath. He didn't need a babysitter! But he was still glad that Draco was prepared to watch his back.  
  
"Before I forget it, Granger was worried about you. I told her you were fine, considering the circumstances."  
  
"Thanks. For everything. I'm famished. I'm going to get breakfast. Are you coming?"  
  
Draco sniggered and got up. Looks like they were going on a trip. . . To the great hall. Again.  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_  
  
Hermione was heading outside. She just had a great fight with Ron. He just didn't want to accept that Xander has his own life. And his own motivations. But then again, Ron has always been too stubborn for his own good. Hermione released a big sigh. It wasn't easy being the only girl in a dominant male friendship. She knew she counted, but sometimes Ron and Xander just seemed to forget her. She was just the know-it-all. Nothing else was special about her. She was just the common know-it-all Granger girl. If only Draco would notice her. . . . Then she wouldn't feel so common. . .  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Severus Snape was lost in deep thought. What did that prophecy mean? The 'blood helps blood' part was about him and Xander, he just knew that. And the dark times was Voldemort. But what was that about a hidden mark? And revealed by child and love? A mark. . . perhaps the one Voldemort gave him? But no, that would be too easy. . .  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Ron was angry. First Xander betrayed him, and now Hermione! He was right, damnit! He had every right to be angry! He just knew he was right! And what in Merlin's name was Xander hiding? Hermione had said that Xander must have a good reason not to tell them, but he didn't believe that. They were best friends! Or so he had thought. He had really believed they were best friends. But they obviously weren't. Or was he wrong. . .?  
  
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Please review! 


	24. For the love of the blood

Another chapter again. Took me long enough!  
  
Those who wish to be mailed when I update, please send a mail to Forwise1@hotmail.com. I'll do my best.  
  
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J. K. Rowling  
  
*. . .* denotes thoughts  
  
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For the love of the blood  
  
One would have believed all was peaceful and quiet in the castle. The sun was rising slowly in this early hour, and casting the shadows away. The slight breeze was causing ripples in the normally smooth surface of the lake. And for once, the forbidden forest didn't look so forbidden.  
  
But the illusion was quickly broken when a man came out of the forbidden forest. He was struggling to stay on his feet, struggling to reach the castle. He was covered in cuts and bruises; his robe no longer looked black but red because of the immense amount of blood that was on it.  
  
That person was Severus Snape.  
  
____Flashback____  
  
Severus was still trying to find out what the prophecy meant when a searing pain went through his arm. He felt panic rising. Did Voldemort discover about his son? Did he know that Alexander was Harry? Or did he want to talk about him getting the Mark? Severus floo-ed the headmaster, letting him know that he was being 'called'. After that he was on the way to the Forbidden Forest, from where he could apparate to where Voldemort was.  
  
As soon as he arrived he was surrounded by fellow death eaters. Although, fellow? He was one of the only spies, if not the only one, in this rank, this close to Voldemort. He grimaced at this thought. He no longer wished to be this close to Voldemort, but for the sake of good, he had to. He was very glad to have a mask on his face, 'cause without it, he would have been discovered many times before by the look of disgust and loathing on his face.  
  
Suddenly the death eaters pointed their wands on him. He heard Voldemort chuckle.  
  
"Severus, Severus, Severus! How nice of you to join us!"  
  
"I do as my master bids." Replied Severus automatically.  
  
"Then why did you not tell me you had a son, Severus?"  
  
This was it. If he could not convince Voldemort now, then he would be death.  
  
"I had a fling with a woman 16 years ago. I realised she was merely a mudblood and broke with her. Unknown to me she was pregnant. She went to America and raised Alexander, but she died not so long ago, leaving him in my care. I did not know I had a son until he arrived at Hogwarts."  
  
Voldemort seemed to think this over. Then he smiled cruelly.  
  
"Too bad I don't believe you, Severus. Crucio!"  
  
Severus fell to the ground, trying hard not to scream. He would not give Voldemort that satisfaction . After a while Voldemort ended the spell and allowed the other death eaters to use spells on him. They were not allowed to kill him, just to hurt him terribly. After what seemed to be eternity, the spells stopped.  
  
"Such a pity that I have to kill you. And all that for the love of the blood. Yesss. . .for the love of the blood!" Voldemort laughed maniacally. He pointed his wand at Severus and started to say the killing curse.  
  
But Severus used the last of his strength to sneer at Voldemort and apparate. The last thing he heard before losing consciences was Voldemort screaming in rage.  
  
He had woken up in the Forbidden Forest. He considered himself very lucky for still being alive. He could have easily been attacked by one of the more dangerous creatures that resided in this Forest.  
  
___ End flashback ___  
  
He was trying to reach the gates of Hogwarts castle, but his strength left him. He fell down, praying that Albus would find him soon. After that he was again engulfed in a world of black.  
  
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Xander had been tossing and turning in his bed all night. Sleep just seemed to elude him. He sighed and got up from his bed to look outside his window. His scar was troubling him, but it wasn't that bad. It didn't hurt, it just itched. He sincerely hoped it would not become worse.  
  
Suddenly his scar exploded. Xander fell to the floor, silently screaming. He saw how his father got hurt, he saw how he escaped, he saw how his father collapsed. And the vision was over. He lay there for a moment, just catching his breath. His head was nearly killing him. Then he remembered what he had seen.  
  
He stood up swiftly and ran to the headmasters office. The headmaster was already waiting for him.  
  
"Headmaster! Father is near the Forbidden Forest, unconscious! He is terribly hurt!"  
  
Dumbledore just nodded and told Xander to get Madam Pomfrey. When she arrived they all hurried to where Severus was laying. They quickly but carefully took him to the infirmary where Madam Pomfrey started to heal the more serious wounds.  
  
Dumbledore took Xander apart.  
  
"Tell me what happened, Xander."  
  
Xander only needed a moment to collect his thoughts. "I had a vision again. Father was called by Voldemort, who asked him to explain why he had never told him about me. Father told him, but Voldemort didn't believe him. They hurt him terrible, and just when Voldemort was going to kill him, he escaped. But he was to weak to reach Hogwarts? That's when I came to you."  
  
Dumbledore nodded. "We had guessed that this would happen. But we had hoped that Voldemort would believe Severus. It is the end of his spying days."  
  
"How is father doing?"  
  
Dumbledore looked Xander in the eye, the usual twinkle in his eyes gone. "He is not doing well, Xander. He might not make it through this."  
  
Xander looked shocked. "He might die?" he whispered. His face was now paler than ever thought humanly possible. "No! He can't die! I don't want lose him too!"  
  
Xander ran to the infirmary and went to stand next to where his father lay. He missed the look of compassion that Madam Pomfrey gave him.  
  
"I healed what I could, but I'm afraid that his chances for living are slim. . .to none."  
  
Dumbledore slowly closed his eyes. To hear this grieved him tremendously. He cared about Severus, considered him as a son, although he had never told him that. He now wished he had told him that.  
  
Xander did not want to believe this. He had heard Madam Pomfrey, but the words just didn't seem to reach him. His father, dying? This just could not be true! Xander moved his hands over his father and started wishing real hard for him to heal. A soft glow came from his hands and went into his father. The deathly pale face of his father seemed to regain a bit of its colour, and open wounds seemed to be closing.  
  
Xander was sweating now, it took a lot out of him. Suddenly it stopped. Xander stumbled a few steps backwards with a look of surprise on his face. What had he done? He looked at Dumbledore, who seemed just as surprised, but also a bit relieved. He nodded his head in the direction of Severus, and Xander turned to look.  
  
Xander gasped. His father was awake.  
  
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Please review!  
  
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	25. Out of for fear of losing

Out of for fear of losing  
  
___________________  
  
Xander gasped. His father was awake.  
  
"Fa. . . father?" Xander whispered.  
  
He was afraid he was dreaming. He was so afraid to blink, so afraid to discover that this was just an illusion. He was so horribly, terribly afraid. His father was seriously injured. His life hang on a thin thread. He was so close to dying. . .And yet he was awake? ! He could not believe it! His head whirled in thinking patterns that kept denying this to be truth. This was quite impossible even. But his father truly looked better. Not good, no, but he didn't look like he was about to be dying anymore. Xander looked at Dumbledore, who was smiling from relieve. Xander would have sworn he saw unshed tears in his eyes.  
  
"Father? . . . Dad?"  
  
Snape blinked once. And then again. Reality wasn't catching up with him. He remembered the meeting with Voldemort, the curses and let's not forget his narrow escape. He had been gravely injured. But now he was feeling fine. Well, not 'fine', but no longer like he had been used as a test dummy for dangerous curses. He no longer felt the life flowing out of him. He heard his son call him. Father, he called him. But he didn't look at Xander. He was too confused, he was still trying to sort things out. How had he healed so much that he was out of danger? He heard Xander again. Father he was called once again. And he was called . . .dad? He looked at his sons' face. He saw relieve and happiness and shock. Shock? What had happened?  
  
Xander suddenly didn't feel so good. He felt weak, drained, out of energy. He grabbed the bed to balance himself. His face was now pale; too pale. He felt light-headed and sick. He was so hot, why was it so hot! Before anyone could react Xander had fallen on the ground, having lost consciences.  
  
Dumbledore scooped up Xander and put him on a bed, whilst he was calling Madam Pomfrey. She came quickly, wondering what happened now.  
  
"Out of my way! Oh dear! What happened to Mister Snape? Let me see. . .Ah yes, he is suffering from extreme exhaustion, but he looked fine moments ago! Well, let me take a new look at Severus while I'm here. Oh! You are awake! How is this possible? You were seriously injured! Sit still and don't fuss while I check you again, will you dear?"  
  
Severus only had time to blink his eyes before Poppy examined him again. His son was suffering extreme exhaustion? How did this happen? He gave Albus a look that clearly stated that he wanted answers, and preferably yesterday!  
  
"Poppy, could you wait with these examinations until later?"  
  
Poppy huffed a bit but left with the promise that she would check on them in the morning.  
  
"What happened to Xander? How come that I am no longer fatally wounded? I want answers and I want them now!"  
  
Meanwhile Xander had woken up and was listening carefully.  
  
"Your son has seemed to have healed you, leading to his exhaustion."  
  
Severus blinked. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. But then again, he hadn't expected Albus to be non cryptic and to the point.  
  
"How did I do that, headmaster?"  
  
"Well Xander, you seem to have the gift of a healer. But now I want you to sleep. It has been a trying night. Sleep tight."  
  
The headmaster left, leaving Xander and Severus alone.  
  
"I'm glad you're alright." Xander said softly, fiddling with his fingers.  
  
"How was I found?" Severus asked.  
  
Xander was reluctant to answer. "I . . . had a vision. I saw you and Voldemort. I saw how you were . . . tortured. I saw you escape and collapse. I woke up and immediately went to Professor Dumbledore. He called Madam Pomfrey and we took you here."  
  
Severus had paled. "You saw all of it?"  
  
Xander nodded. He had tears in his eyes and was on verge of crying. He could have lost his father. He could have lost his only remaining family. Of course he considered the Weasleys and Sirius family, but it wasn't the same. He could have lost his father.  
  
Unknown by him Severus had moved to sit next to him. He had seen the tears in his eyes.  
  
"Xander. . . why are you so upset?" Severus asked gently. Being crude with not do at all. Especially now and with his son. But Xander didn't answer. He didn't want to answer.  
  
"Tel me."  
  
It was such a simple request, such a small command, but Xander still didn't really want to answer. He started scratching his arm without realising it, giving his father the sign that he was really upset.  
  
"Xander, please, tell me." Severus whispered this silent plea. How could Xander not answer? It would made /him/ seem cruel.  
  
"I thought you would die." Xander started crying. "I thought I would lose you before I got the chance to really get to know you. I was so afraid of losing you! I can't lose you too!"  
  
Severus gently took Xander in his arms.  
  
"Ssssst. It's alright. You're not going to lose me. It's alright."  
  
He kept muttering these things until Xander had fallen asleep, and after a while, Severuse fell asleep too.  
  
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Draco woke up in the middle of the night, but he couldn't say what had caused him to wake up. He grunted a bit and looked around. Everybody seemed to be sleeping, except him. But wait a second. Were was Xander? He looked around but couldn't find him.  
  
He put his robes on and intended to search Xander when Dumbledore arrived and stopped him. How the hell did this guy know when to be where? ! And then Dumbledore had the nerve to chuckle. Chuckle, I tell you!  
  
"Calm down, Mister Malfoy. I just came to tell you that Mister Snape is in the infirmary. But don't worry, he will be released in the morning. I suggest you go back to bed and visit him in the morning."  
  
That being said he left Draco alone. Droca stood there dumbfounded and feeling a bit insulted. But he would do what Dumbledore told him. Not because he trusted the old fool, because he didn't exactly trust him. No, he would do as he had told because he had troubled himself to come and tell Draco were Xander was.  
  
Besides, he would be able to get the story from Xander.  
  
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	26. To forgive is divine

I'm sorry it took so long to get this chapter out. My computer had given up on me. But here is another chapter. It might be a bit of, though. I haven't written anything in , lets say, two months. So if it feels of, you know why. Oh, and my spellingchecker doesn't work, so their might be major mistakes with the spelling. Sorry!  
  
On with the fic!  
  
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To forgive is divine. . .  
  
__________________  
  
Draco was heading to the infirmary. He had waited long enough to hear what happened to Xander. He was really curious as how he had gotten in the infirmary. He hoped it wasn't because of him cutting his arm. He let out an angry breath. Xander had better not have done something foolish! Draco was very worried. . . although he would never admit that to anyone. He could take care of himself. It was just nice to have somebody that is willing to watch your back.  
  
He arrived at the infirmarry and saw Xander sitting up in his bed, holding a discussion with Madam Pomfrey. Parts of the discussion reached his ears.  
  
"But I'm fine! Besides, it's Saturday, I don't have classes! This means I have a calm day ahead!"  
  
"You are not leaving the infirmary!"  
  
"But Madam Pomfrey. . .!"  
  
"Fine Mister Snape! But if I hear that you're not taking it easy, then I'll get your hide back in here!"  
  
Draco approached Xander as Madam Pomfrey walked bristly away.  
  
"Hey Xander, how are you doing?"  
  
Xander turned his head and grinned. "Hey Draco! I'm fine."  
  
"Ready to grab a bite?"  
  
Xander just jumped from the bed and motioned to lead the way. They walked quietly for a few minutes. But then Draco just had to ask.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"You know that my scar sometimes gives me visions from Voldemort?" As he saw Draco nod, he continued. "I had a vision last night. Voldemort knew father was a spy and nearly killed him. He bearly managed to apparate away in time. I ran to the headmaster, told him what I saw and went to get father. We brought him into the infirmary and. . .he almost died." Xander scraped his throat that had oddly constricted a bit. "I healed him somehow, but it left me drained. That's why I stayed in the infirmary."  
  
Draco nodded thoughtfully. "Of course, that is why Dumbledore came over last night to tell me you were fine!"  
  
Xander had a confused look on his face. "He came over? I guess he didn't want you to worry."  
  
"Guess so."  
  
They arrived at the Great Hall and quickly sat down to eat something.  
  
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Hermione had a feeling that something bad was going to happen. She just couldn't discover what was going to happen, but it would be bad. She sighted and shook her head. It was probably nothing. She was just stressed out because of the situation between Xander and Ron. Something had to be done about it, she just didn't now what. She went down to the dormitory, where she saw Ron standing next to the open fire. She looked him in the eyes for a moment, but then she tore her eyes away. The more she thought about it, the more Ron seemed the one who was wrong. Xander had not betrayed them, not really. He had just moved on with his life. He had done what lay in his nature to do: forgive. He had forgiven Malfoy; no, Draco.  
  
Hermione held her head up high and went to the door, but Ron blocked her path at the last moment.  
  
"We have to talk, Hermione."  
  
An angry look settled on her face. " We have to do nothing." She turned her back to him.  
  
"You can't possibly still be angry at me?"  
  
This caused Hermione to turn around. "Don't tell me what to do, Ronald Weasley! You have no right! You can still be angry, but I don't?"  
  
"I never said that I was still angry with Xander!" Ron said, his face red.  
  
"Then why haven't you even tried to talk to him? Why haven't you apologized yet?"  
  
"Because I was not at fault!" Ron yelled. "He should be bloody apologizing to me!"  
  
A look of disgust crossed Hermiones features. "Make no mistake, Ronald Weasley! You were the one who was at fault! You drew your conclusions to hasty!"  
  
"And I was right!"  
  
"You were not bloody right! You are too hot-tempered and too quick to judge! What kind of friend are you? ! You should trust your friends, not judge them on what you /think/ you know! 'Cause you know bloody nothing! You judgemental git!"  
  
Ron was speechless. "Hermione, " He whispered, "You cursed!"  
  
Hermione forced herself to calm down. "I can get angry too, you know."  
  
Ron sighted. "I'm sorry, 'Mione. I know I have a temper, mum points it out often enough." He sighted again. "I really am not angry at Xander anymore. But I don't want to apologize to him in front of that bloody git Malfoy." He scowled.  
  
"You have to, Ron. That way you'll show him that you'll respect his friendship with Malfoy, even if you don't like him."  
  
"I guess. . . . Anyway, you would know, eh?"  
  
Hermione smiles at this. Things were looking up to be better, but why did she still have this feeling that something was going to happen?  
  
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Hermione and Ron arrived at the Great Hall. Hermione nudged Ron when she saw that Xander was also their. Ron reluctantly went over to the Slytherin table. He shoveled with his feet and looked to the ground, not knowing how to start apologizing.  
  
"If it isn't the Weasel!" Draco sneered. Ron cast an angry look in his direction, but then looked back at the ground.  
  
"Xander, I'm sorry about what I said. I know I was completely mistaken. You have a right to befriend whoever you want to befriend. I, ah, I guess I was a bit. . .mumblemumblemumble." Ron blushed.  
  
"I didn't hear that last part." Xander said coldly.  
  
Ron scraped his throat. "I was a bit jaelous and felt a bit left out. I'll understand if you can't forgive me. Because it was me who betrayed your trust."  
  
Draco seemed to want to say something, but Xander nudged him. "It's okay, Ron. I'm glad that you realised that. I will still be angry at you for a while though, you hurt me bad. And you got to understand that /Draco/ is a friend now too."  
  
"I know, I know. I just want us to be friends again. If that means that I have to accept Malfoy too, then I'll gladly do so. But that doesn't mean that I have to like him!" At this he scowled at Draco, who was looking smug. Xander laughed out loud seeing this.  
  
"I forgive you Ron! I can see that your trying. And don't worry, you don't have to like Draco. Just keep the insulting at a minimum. This means you too, Draco!"  
  
This caused Draco to first pout, and then sulk when he realised that pouting didn't seem scary and nasty enough. This merely caused Xander to laugh again.  
  
"Well, if Malfoy can be polite, than so can I! I'll go back to Hermione and tell her that all is okay now."  
  
Xander nodded and watched how Ron went back to Hermione. They held a short conversation which caused Hermione to smile brightly at the both of them.  
  
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	27. Reflections in the shimmering shadows

I'm really sorry this chapter is so late, but I have lots to do for school (heh, becoming a teacher is HARD!) and I have little inspiration. My chappie might differ a bit from the others, as it has been a long time since I even LOOKED at it. I still know the main plot, though , so don't worry! Now, where was I. . . *sigh* I'll have to reread my own story!  
  
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Reflections in the shimmering shadows  
  
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Xander was sitting in the common room, gazing into the bright fire. It brought shadows into the dark green room, which seemed to dance of mystery and cunning. The room was empty, safe for him. Ron and Hermione were most probably sleeping, Draco was in his bed. Xander had asked him to leave him be for the moment; he much desired a moment of peace and solitude, a moment of reflection. So much had happened these past few months. Harry Potter died and Alexander Septimius Snape was born; old rivals, even enemies became friends; good friends became traitors who became friends again; he became someone's son and gained the same way a father; he survived the edge of his knife; his father who was a breath away from death, lived. It suddenly all caught up with him. It was too much to bear, but it was a burden he was prepared to shoulder. Things got better, after all.  
  
He fingered his knife as he was deep in thought. His knife had been his friend and at the same time his enemy. It was his addiction, that could easily become deadly, as it almost had before. He closed his startling green eyes, only opening them after having made a decision. He let his gaze linger on the knife, before he threw it in the fire. The knife would melt. It had no charms on it. How could it have? It was a knife Dudley had given him. Along with the message 'to kill himself, sooner rather then later'. The memory hurt him more than he was willing to admit. . .  
  
Xander slowly stood up. He needed to sleep.  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_  
  
Hermione was not asleep, as previously thought by Xander. She was still puzzling over that damn prophecy! It wouldn't leave her be.  
  
In times so dark there's a hidden mark  
  
Once more revealed by child and love  
  
Death will commence, doom is near  
  
Yet victory will be if blood helps blood  
  
In times so dark, that was now, with Voldemort. A hidden mark? Perhaps the tattoo of the deatheaters? But that couldn't be. It had to be something else. But what, she had no idea. But it would be revealed by child and love. What love or whose child, she didn't know and couldn't begin to guess. The next line need not be interpreted. The last line had to be Xander! Blood helping blood, Severus helping Xander? Or. . .Dumbledore helping Xander. . .?  
  
She hadn't told anyone yet, but when she was in the library that day, she had found some interesting books, telling about the line of the Snape's, the Potter's and Dumbledore's. And what had she found? Albus Dumbledore was Lily Evans' great-grandfather! It could be part of the reason why Voldemort wanted Lily and Harry dead. What if the male Dumbledore's had a gift, that showed every two or three generations? And the women Dumbledore's only carried the gift, but could not use it, only pass it on?  
  
Hermione shook her head. She would have to look into it more deeply. The Snape-line was interesting too. All Snapes had black hair as a family treat, the women light eyes, and the boys dark eyes. The genetics were very interesting, if not confusing. Hermione sighted. Talking about dark eyes. . .his were quiet intriging, not to mention beautiful. And that velvety voice, his dark appearances. . . So different from the grey-blue eyes, light voice and shining appearance. . .  
  
Hermione blinked her eyes and shook her head forcefully. This was not happening! She abdruptly closed her book (which had been laying open on her lap, unread though) and decided she was suffering from lack of sleep. A moment she fell asleep though, she had a vision of dark, intriging eyes.  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_  
  
The owner of said eyes was still awake, too. But he thought nothing of it, as he was used to not being able to sleep at this almost Merlin-forsaken hour. He had many things to ponder. What would he do now? He would continue teaching the dunder-heads potions, but aside that? Would he remain the head of Slytherin? Merlin knows that many of the Slytherin children had family in the Dark lord's service. Would it be safe for him? Normally, he wouldn't think twice about it, but now he had Xander to think of. He could no longer safely leave Hogwarts, that's certain! But aside from that? He didn't know. He didn't want to think about it now either, so he moved on to other thoughts.  
  
Christmas would come soon. What was he supposed to do? Had had rarely celebrated Christmas, as he had not much to celebrate about in life. But now, with Xander. . . What gift should he buy him? And his friends? Should he invite them? Weasly, Malfoy, and that infernal Granger? He scowled when he thought of Hermione. That annoyingly pretty little Know-It-All! She was to bloody smart for her own good! Yet he had to admire the same brightness in her. Not many students were so intelligent and mature as her? Perhaps he should get her a book about potions for Christmas. . .? Severus Snape started pondering these new, strangly also disturbing thoughts. . .  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_  
  
Albus Dumbledore sat in his purple sleeping-wear, looking closely at the pictures in his album. He was debating with himself: tell Xander or not? Or perhaps tell a part of it? He looked in the twinkling green eyes of Lily, who was laughing in the picture, waving enthousiasticaly at whoever was watching her. She had never know abot her grandfather. For all she had known, she was a muggleborn lucky enough to have had a magical gift. How he wished now that he had told her, but alas, it was too late.  
  
But it wouldn't be too late to let /him/ know. . .  
  
He continued to watch the pictures throughout most of the night.  
  
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	28. A truth, a detention and a meeting

Disclaimer: See first chapter.

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A truth, a detention and a meeting  
  
It was a Monday morning, the pale sun was gracing the sky, peering through the wisps that once were clouds. Xander was eating his breakfast and chatting with Draco about yesterday. They hadn't done much yesterday, they had just enjoyed a day of peace and quiet. It was a welcome change. But now the weekend was over, and lessons would commence again.  
  
"Hey Draco, what do we have first hour?"  
  
"Double potions with the Griffyndorks!"  
  
Xander scowled at Draco, but his eyes were twinkling. It was an old joke now. Draco would call his friends Griffyndorks, but without the malice the words usually posses, and Xander would scowl without really meaning it. A voice laced with huskiness interrupted his scowl.  
  
"Why hello Xander, Draco. How are you doing today? Well, I hope?"  
  
Draco glared at Pansy, refusing to answer her. Xander, however, did. "Well enough. And you?"  
  
"I'm fine. You'll never guess what I heard! Blaise is gay! Can you believe it?" She wrinkled her nose in disgust. "It won't do! I heard his father threatened to disown him if he won't marry a girl and produce a heir. He's a pureblood, he should marry and reproduce. His image is everything!"  
  
"What," Xander asked, with a dangerous growl in his voice, "Is wrong with being gay?"  
  
Pansy looked at him as if he had lost his mind. "It just won't do! We, as purebloods, have an image to uphold. This includes being straight and marrying the opposite gender to produce a heir. And besides, being gay is just plain wrong! It's like a disease! You will not see me sitting close to him!"  
  
Stormy green eyes bored into hers. The shade of green seemed to have become darker. "If that is the case, then I suggest you pick another seat. For I, as well, am gay. Now move, before I hex you!"  
  
Pansy sat there speechless for a moment, but then scrambled from her seat to put as much distance as wizardly possible between them. The angry green eyes moved to the plate of food, although the thought of eating had been forgotten.  
  
"How come you never told me you were gay?" Whispered Draco upset.  
  
"I'm not, not as far as I know. I just wanted to put her in her place. I can't stand people like her!" Xander shook his head in disgust. "Does it really matter so much?"  
  
Draco nodded. "It's just like she said, although it doesn't matter so much with mudbloo...muggle-born wizards. It's just that the Dark Lord is a...homophobic? Thus, it isn't really accepted. So it probably won't bother purebloods who aren't in league with the Dark Lord that much."  
  
Xander had a look of thoughtfulness on his face. "Would it bother you? If I were gay, I mean."  
  
"I ....," Draco started, but he didn't really know what to say. Would it bother him? He looked at Xander, trying to imagine he were really gay. He found his answer. "No, I don't think so."  
  
"Good," was Xanders' only reply. "Now come on, potions is about to start!"  
  
They both arrives at potions just in time, barely sitting in their chairs before professor Snape sweeped in. "Today we will be making the Veritas Spiritus potion. What do we use this potion for?"  
  
The only finger in the air was that of Hermione, which seemed to displease Snape. Yet he allowed her to answer. "If you use this potion on your skin, then you can see how ones soul truly is. The potion would turn the skin it is used on in a colour, each colour having a different meaning."  
  
Snape scowled. "That is correct. For many of you, this will be a disaster. This potion will be made alone! The instructions are on the board. The potion should be creamy white in the end, looking a bit like milk. Begin!"  
  
Everyone started their potions in a flurry of movement. After 30 minutes, a cauldron exploded. It was Neville's. Snape gave him detention with Filch, not feeling the patience to oversee /that/ detention himself. Griffyndor had already lost 25 points. No potion, safe that of miss Granger, seemed to be correctly made. Snape closed his eyes, willing the head-ache that wanted to come up, to subdue.  
  
"No!"  
  
Hermione's cry split the air. Her potion bubbled dangerously. Snape saw it was about to explode, so he did the only thing he could do at the moment. "Duck!"  
  
Everyone ducked as the potion exploded. As by wonder, nobody got hurt, but all the other potions were ruined. Hermione stood there, looking at Snape with fear in her eyes. "Detention, miss Granger. Seven o' clock. Don't be late. And 20 points from Griffyndor. Now, as everones potions seems ruined, everybody, out!" He didn't need to say it twice. Feet scrambled hastely to get out of the classroom. Snape flicked his wand to clean up the mess. He had not seen that Xander and Draco had stayed.  
  
"Father? You alright?" Asked Xander, worry laced in his voice.  
  
Severus looked in his direction, then sighted. "Yes, I'm fine. No need to worry."  
  
Draco told Snape what happened. "Pansy wanted to throw gillyweed in Xanders' potion, but her aim is terrible. It landed in Grangers' potion instead."  
  
"Is that so?" Severus' eyes glowed with malice. "I believe I should ...have a word with her then. Xander, the headmaster would like to speak with you. I suggst you go now. Mister Malfoy, please go to your next lesson. If asked where Xander is, then say he's with the headmaster."  
  
Draco nodded and left, but not without a quick, meaningful glance at Xander.  
  
"Why does the headmaster want to see me?" Xander asked.  
  
"I don't know. Now go!" Snape said sternly.  
  
Xander knew that tone of voice. You'd better listen, or else he was going to be in trouble.  
  
"Alright. Is it alright if I...came by later?" Xander asked uncertainly. "I mean, I just..."  
  
Severus looked Xander in the eyes. "Not today. I'll have my hands full with detention. But if you would like, then you could come tomorrow, after dinner."  
  
Xander nodded. Tomorrow was better then not at all. He quickly took his belongings and went to see the headmaster, not noticing that dark eyes watched his every move until he was out the door.

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Hey! A quick word: who should I pair up with who? Harry with.... and Hermione with..... They will pair up with someone, that's the flow of the story! Who they pair up with is up to you, unless I REALLY don't like it. It may be slash, but it doesn't have to. Let me know in a review, okay? Thanks!


	29. First revelations

Due to popular demand (hah), I'll attempt to write more of this story. Chapters can be short though, as I have little inspiration. And I've noticed many things that don't add up. I'll attempt to fix those.

On with the story!

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First Revelations

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On his way to the headmaster Alexander was deep in thought. He was coming to some realisations. Like about his cutting. It was all because of stress. Stress of living in an unloved environment, stress of working all day long, the stress of having the wizarding world on his shoulders. Up until now he has always done what others wanted him to do. That was going to change.

On an other note, he still hadn't owled Sirius. He still didn't know that he was really Snapes son. He was a bit afraid of his reaction. Perhaps he could ask Remus to talk to him. He had no doubt Remus knew about him. His smell is, after all, very sensitive. Yes, he would ask Remus to gently explain to Sirius what's going on.

He ended his pondering as he reached the gargoyle statue that guarded the headmasters office.  
"Cockroach Clusters!" And the gargoyle jumped aside.

"Come in, Alexander," sounded the voice of the headmaster through the other end of the door. Xander shook his had. He always knew.

"Hello headmaster. You wanted to talk to me?"

Albus' eyes twinkled like mad. That was never a good sign. Ever. "Sit down my dear boy." Harry obediently took a seat. "Now, I would like to talk to you about your mother."

Xander got to the edge of his seat. "My mother, sir?" He never heard many stories about his mother. He sometimes wondered why. They always talked about his father and how talented he was. But his mother was a mystery to him. He yearned to get to know something about her.

Albus nodded. "Yes, your mother. There was something she never knew, and as such, you don't know either." The twinkle in his life slowly diminished. "How I regret not telling her when I could."

Xander stayed silent. He had a funny feeling about this. But he would just wait 'till the end of the headmasters tale.

"Yes, your mother. You see, she my was great-granddaughter." A tear escaped his eye. "I wanted to keep her safe, but I failed."

Xander was shocked. "So I'm…"

"Yes, you are my great-great-grandson. Welcome to the family!" Albus declared with a grand wave of his arms.

**THUD**.

Xander fainted. The sudden influx of information was to much for his mind to comprehend. So it did the only thing it could do. It shut down temporarely.

"Oh dear, I better wake him up." He aimed his wand and yelled "finite".

'Wow' was Xanders first thought, 'What a dream. Wait a second, that was no dream!' "What the bloody hell! I'm part Dumbledore!"

Albus chuckled. "Yes my dear boy, you are! Those eyes you got from my side of the family, but only the female side ever had green eyes. You, dear boy, are an exception."

"My eyes…" whispered Harry. "Moms eyes…Dumbledore womens eyes?"

Albus gently smiled. "Yes, and I suspect you also have the Dumbledore gift."

Now he was confused. "The Dumbledore gift?"

"Yes. Only the male side get them, and only every couple of generations. You showed a healing gift, have you not?"

"Yes… damn lucky too!"

Albus chuckled again. "I agree my boy, I agree. I love Severus as my son. To lose him would break my heart."

"Okay, hold on. Going way to fast. You are family, family gifts I posses, who else knows? Alright, freaked out now. Now where is that knife? Oh yeah, I chucked it. Stupid me!" Xander continued to rant for a couple of minutes before the headmaster interrupted.

"I'm sorry Xander. Would you like some tea? Or perhaps some a lemon drop?"

"Is it okay if we finish this another time, headmaster? It really needs to sink in" said a bewildered Xander. It was just too much. he needed a moment to order all information he got.

"Of course. Just come back when you have any questions." Albus hoped that Xander would return. It was, after all, a bomb he dropped. Xander never reacted well to the witholding of information.

* * *

"Ron, please, concentrate!" said an irritated Hermione. 

"But this is boring!" whined Ron. Chess was so much more fun, after all. Even Exploding Snap was better than homework.

"No Ron, it's homework! Argh, never mind, I'll do it alone! Don't bother asking for help!"

Hermione gathered her things to go to the library. On the way there she heard a strange sound. Wondering what it could be she followed it. She looked around the corner of the hallway and suddenly paled. There, before her, lay a bloodied body. A dead body. She screamed.

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Many miles away, someone chuckled evilly. Another victim was made. This time, he would succeed in his quest of dominance. 


End file.
